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What is "normal" anyway? (a GIGANTIC venting session by Syd. Please bear with me....)
Apparently, as a 29 year old, married mother of three, I am supposed to be doing what other "normal" women do. I need to "grow up" and stop acting like a five year old. I am not supposed to be playing dress up or going outside looking like a "hooker". (Evidently, going through the Starbuck's drive-thru wearing a pink ballerina tu-tu with a pair of shorts underneath, a black hoodie and anchor heels qualifies as looking like a hooker.) I should be setting a better example for my children and spending my time doing things that benefit my family. Also, I am self-involved, as I am constantly turning other people's woes into a pity-party for myself. I am immature and irresponsible and have no common sense.
What the F*** is "NORMAL" anyway???? I am guessing we must be referring to our society's definition of normal which I still haven't completely figured. I think it goes something like this:
1. As far as physical "normalcy" goes, it would probably be a requirement that I dress like the average American (in my age class, mind you) at all times. This attire would be jeans and a t-shirt, preferably name-brand OR business casual, which equals slacks/skirt with a blouse or a dress, moderately tame in style, possibly a tad revealing but not too flashy. I would DEFINITELY not have any tattoos where other people could see them nor would I be seen in public without makeup. I would need to wear hairdo's that are reflected in Woman's Day, ET or People magazine or on Oprah or The View. Carrying around some sort of expensive purse or handbag by Gucci or Coach would also be a must.
2. Having a "normal" job would require that I work as a secretary or some kind of assistant in an office or as a Real-Estate or Travel agent; in a school district or government business. Some kind of respectable, "9-5" job. I would not waste my time pursuing unrealistic careers such as modeling or writing books. My children would be in a pre or charter school or day care. OR, if I WAS a stay-at-home mom, I should be doing SOMETHING to provide for the family like running a daycare.
3.To be "normal" socially, I expect I would be required to make friends with all the other mommy's in the neighborhood, join groups like MOPS or a Christian Women's club, go on a weekly "Girl's Night Out" trip while the hubby does a "poker night" with his friends. "Hanging out" would mean sitting around drinking expensive wines and eating expensive chocolates while gossiping about everything and everybody and discussing the last episode of "Desperate Housewives" or "Sex In The City". I would have to go on shopping trips with them to Macy's and Nordstrom's and go golfing or sit around in the Country Club or the pool, sipping martini's. I would not allow my children to play in mud puddles or draw on themselves or run around in their underwear on a hot day or let them make their own chocolate milk because making big messes and looking dirty is not acceptable. I would keep a spotlessly clean household every day, never fall behind with the laundry even if I was working full time but ESPECIALLY if I was staying home, because this is more important than taking time to play with my kids in those mud puddles. It would be a neccesity for me to have a home cooked meal ready by 6pm when my husband returned home from work, again... ESPECIALLY if I was a stay at home mom, because I don't work a "full time" job during the day.
4. Mentally, to be "normal", I expect I would need to think about things in a certain way. I would have to be realistic about life; about my hopes and dreams. I would need to be more reserved and conservative. I wouldn't want to research things that interest me like religion or politics. I wouldn't want to read self-help books on how to better my parenting skills. I would just do things the way everyone else does. I would be more "old-fashioned". I would just do things a certain way because that is how the people down the street or the nifty co-worker or the bosses wife do/does it. I wouldn't want people to think I was different in any way. I wouldn't be so giving or want to help other people by listening to their problems. I wouldn't want to be so creative or imaginative or spontaneous. I would have to be more focused and always have a plan and a schedule to follow.
Does that sound like what other "normal" 29 year old married women with kids are like? Did I get pretty close?
AND.....
PLEASE, don't misread me. I know that at this moment I am coming across as bitter and sarcastic but I sincerely am not trying to "knock" this way of life. For some people, THIS works. Some people enjoy this lifestyle and that is fine. I don't think it's a BAD way to live. It's just not how I want to live.
So, here I am....
On an average day I get up, get the kids going, put on my gym clothes and if I'm lucky I get to work out for an hour and a half. I come home, turn the kiddos loose and work my ass off trying to keep up on a house inhabited by three busy five-and-unders, a man, 2 cats and 3 dogs. Sometimes I am successful, sometimes, by the end of the day, the house is a shambles.
I feel lucky when I get to take showers even though when I do get one it usually does not go uninterrupted. Most of the time I wear my gym clothes, covered in spit up and other baby bodily fluids all day long and I DEFINITLY don't get to dress up that often, so when I DO have a chance to leave the house in something other than my "work" clothes, I like to have fun and feel good. Very RARELY but sometimes.... I like to be silly and childish and wear pink tu-tu's, or boxers with combat boots or go to a resteraunt looking like an 80's rock star and speaking with a bad Scottish accent the entire time. I like to do my hair up in weird styles and wear exotic looking makeup and t-shirts with pink skulls on them. I like my clothes to be either bright and colorful or all black and dramatic and I get them all at Wal-mart or Goodwill because I'd rather spend my money going to the Arcade or Amusement Park or the Zoo or the movies than on a pair of $90 jeans with a famous label. I may get odd looks, people might look at me and shake their heads... but it's me having fun and being spontaneous. I have favorite articles of clothing that are ratty and holey and falling apart but I still wear them BECAUSE they are comfortable and I love them to much to part with them. (I have left the house looking weird, immature and crazy... but I have NEVER gone out in public looking like a hooker.) Instead of a purse, I carry an old, tattered backpack, stuffed full of diapers and changes of clothes in case someone pee's in their pants or spills apple juice in their crotch. In one pocket there are snacks, in another medicine and in yet another, toys for boring moments in the car or shopping cart.
Most evenings I have a healthy, home cooked meal on the table. Some nights, though, I just don't feel like cooking so I would rather dine out or have something pre-made brought home.
As of now, I don't have many close friends. My two besties live far away and my other "friends" are people I have met through waitressing and we don't get together except for at work. I have met most of the ladies in my neighborhood and the one woman I THOUGHT I might have some things in common with I really didn't and another potentially AMAZING comrade has not been available to talk to. I am NOT anti-social, I TRY to meet people everywhere I go. I am friendly and outgoing. I even tolerate those that drive me crazy just so my husband or my children can have companions. When I "hang out" I like to go hiking, or to the park or camping or fishing. I want to go to poetry readings and community plays or rock concerts or out dancing. I would also be happy just sitting by a lake and chatting but not about the latest gossip. I want to talk about things like religion and politics and psychology. I like to talk about the past and the present and the future; about common interests and dreams. I like to discuss ideas that I have and those of others. Other times, I just like joking around and being ridiculous and laughing a lot.
I enjoy taking time out to play with my children. I like to jump on the trampoline with them and dig in the dirt with them and let them be artistic. I let them pick out their own outfits and I have fun getting dirty and making messes. I like to pretend with them and laugh with them. When I don't take time out to do things with my children and when I focus only on getting things done around the house, I find that they become "nuisances" and that they are irritating to me.... something that is NOT so fun.
I do the yard work, pick up dog poop, clean litter boxes and change dirty diapers. I feed hungry children and animals. I do laundry all day long. I run errands like going to the dry cleaners,the post office, the bank, to the doctor's and the dentist's and shopping at the market. I take care of my family when they are sick and stay up all night with fussy babies. I don't get paid for this but what about it does NOT make it a full time job???
Now, I make it a point NOT to complain. I don't mind doing all these things. That's what I signed up for when I became a wife and a mother. In fact, I enjoy most of what I do. I am NOT miserable until I am treated with disrespect. I am NOT miserable until I am kept from doing the few things that I want to do that are enjoyable to me. I am NOT miserable until I am being criticized and second guessed and humiliated. Over the last six or seven years I feel like I have lived without a lot of things that I would rather not live without. I feel like I have made personal sacrifices (not that other's haven't...) that have left me feeling unfullfilled. I feel that I have conformed more than I ever wanted, to "normalcy" and yet..... I am still being told that I am not "normal" enough.
I have gotten a taste of what it feels like to be truly supported and appreciated and respected. I am realizing how amazing it is to have someone believe in your ambitions and want to see you reach your goals no matter what they happen to be. I know again what it's like to feel the same about someone else and their goals and dreams, as well. I want that back. I want to feel like that every day. I want to live that. I don't want to be normal, I want to be happy.
What the F*** is "NORMAL" anyway???? I am guessing we must be referring to our society's definition of normal which I still haven't completely figured. I think it goes something like this:
1. As far as physical "normalcy" goes, it would probably be a requirement that I dress like the average American (in my age class, mind you) at all times. This attire would be jeans and a t-shirt, preferably name-brand OR business casual, which equals slacks/skirt with a blouse or a dress, moderately tame in style, possibly a tad revealing but not too flashy. I would DEFINITELY not have any tattoos where other people could see them nor would I be seen in public without makeup. I would need to wear hairdo's that are reflected in Woman's Day, ET or People magazine or on Oprah or The View. Carrying around some sort of expensive purse or handbag by Gucci or Coach would also be a must.
2. Having a "normal" job would require that I work as a secretary or some kind of assistant in an office or as a Real-Estate or Travel agent; in a school district or government business. Some kind of respectable, "9-5" job. I would not waste my time pursuing unrealistic careers such as modeling or writing books. My children would be in a pre or charter school or day care. OR, if I WAS a stay-at-home mom, I should be doing SOMETHING to provide for the family like running a daycare.
3.To be "normal" socially, I expect I would be required to make friends with all the other mommy's in the neighborhood, join groups like MOPS or a Christian Women's club, go on a weekly "Girl's Night Out" trip while the hubby does a "poker night" with his friends. "Hanging out" would mean sitting around drinking expensive wines and eating expensive chocolates while gossiping about everything and everybody and discussing the last episode of "Desperate Housewives" or "Sex In The City". I would have to go on shopping trips with them to Macy's and Nordstrom's and go golfing or sit around in the Country Club or the pool, sipping martini's. I would not allow my children to play in mud puddles or draw on themselves or run around in their underwear on a hot day or let them make their own chocolate milk because making big messes and looking dirty is not acceptable. I would keep a spotlessly clean household every day, never fall behind with the laundry even if I was working full time but ESPECIALLY if I was staying home, because this is more important than taking time to play with my kids in those mud puddles. It would be a neccesity for me to have a home cooked meal ready by 6pm when my husband returned home from work, again... ESPECIALLY if I was a stay at home mom, because I don't work a "full time" job during the day.
4. Mentally, to be "normal", I expect I would need to think about things in a certain way. I would have to be realistic about life; about my hopes and dreams. I would need to be more reserved and conservative. I wouldn't want to research things that interest me like religion or politics. I wouldn't want to read self-help books on how to better my parenting skills. I would just do things the way everyone else does. I would be more "old-fashioned". I would just do things a certain way because that is how the people down the street or the nifty co-worker or the bosses wife do/does it. I wouldn't want people to think I was different in any way. I wouldn't be so giving or want to help other people by listening to their problems. I wouldn't want to be so creative or imaginative or spontaneous. I would have to be more focused and always have a plan and a schedule to follow.
Does that sound like what other "normal" 29 year old married women with kids are like? Did I get pretty close?
AND.....
PLEASE, don't misread me. I know that at this moment I am coming across as bitter and sarcastic but I sincerely am not trying to "knock" this way of life. For some people, THIS works. Some people enjoy this lifestyle and that is fine. I don't think it's a BAD way to live. It's just not how I want to live.
So, here I am....
On an average day I get up, get the kids going, put on my gym clothes and if I'm lucky I get to work out for an hour and a half. I come home, turn the kiddos loose and work my ass off trying to keep up on a house inhabited by three busy five-and-unders, a man, 2 cats and 3 dogs. Sometimes I am successful, sometimes, by the end of the day, the house is a shambles.
I feel lucky when I get to take showers even though when I do get one it usually does not go uninterrupted. Most of the time I wear my gym clothes, covered in spit up and other baby bodily fluids all day long and I DEFINITLY don't get to dress up that often, so when I DO have a chance to leave the house in something other than my "work" clothes, I like to have fun and feel good. Very RARELY but sometimes.... I like to be silly and childish and wear pink tu-tu's, or boxers with combat boots or go to a resteraunt looking like an 80's rock star and speaking with a bad Scottish accent the entire time. I like to do my hair up in weird styles and wear exotic looking makeup and t-shirts with pink skulls on them. I like my clothes to be either bright and colorful or all black and dramatic and I get them all at Wal-mart or Goodwill because I'd rather spend my money going to the Arcade or Amusement Park or the Zoo or the movies than on a pair of $90 jeans with a famous label. I may get odd looks, people might look at me and shake their heads... but it's me having fun and being spontaneous. I have favorite articles of clothing that are ratty and holey and falling apart but I still wear them BECAUSE they are comfortable and I love them to much to part with them. (I have left the house looking weird, immature and crazy... but I have NEVER gone out in public looking like a hooker.) Instead of a purse, I carry an old, tattered backpack, stuffed full of diapers and changes of clothes in case someone pee's in their pants or spills apple juice in their crotch. In one pocket there are snacks, in another medicine and in yet another, toys for boring moments in the car or shopping cart.
Most evenings I have a healthy, home cooked meal on the table. Some nights, though, I just don't feel like cooking so I would rather dine out or have something pre-made brought home.
As of now, I don't have many close friends. My two besties live far away and my other "friends" are people I have met through waitressing and we don't get together except for at work. I have met most of the ladies in my neighborhood and the one woman I THOUGHT I might have some things in common with I really didn't and another potentially AMAZING comrade has not been available to talk to. I am NOT anti-social, I TRY to meet people everywhere I go. I am friendly and outgoing. I even tolerate those that drive me crazy just so my husband or my children can have companions. When I "hang out" I like to go hiking, or to the park or camping or fishing. I want to go to poetry readings and community plays or rock concerts or out dancing. I would also be happy just sitting by a lake and chatting but not about the latest gossip. I want to talk about things like religion and politics and psychology. I like to talk about the past and the present and the future; about common interests and dreams. I like to discuss ideas that I have and those of others. Other times, I just like joking around and being ridiculous and laughing a lot.
I enjoy taking time out to play with my children. I like to jump on the trampoline with them and dig in the dirt with them and let them be artistic. I let them pick out their own outfits and I have fun getting dirty and making messes. I like to pretend with them and laugh with them. When I don't take time out to do things with my children and when I focus only on getting things done around the house, I find that they become "nuisances" and that they are irritating to me.... something that is NOT so fun.
I do the yard work, pick up dog poop, clean litter boxes and change dirty diapers. I feed hungry children and animals. I do laundry all day long. I run errands like going to the dry cleaners,the post office, the bank, to the doctor's and the dentist's and shopping at the market. I take care of my family when they are sick and stay up all night with fussy babies. I don't get paid for this but what about it does NOT make it a full time job???
Now, I make it a point NOT to complain. I don't mind doing all these things. That's what I signed up for when I became a wife and a mother. In fact, I enjoy most of what I do. I am NOT miserable until I am treated with disrespect. I am NOT miserable until I am kept from doing the few things that I want to do that are enjoyable to me. I am NOT miserable until I am being criticized and second guessed and humiliated. Over the last six or seven years I feel like I have lived without a lot of things that I would rather not live without. I feel like I have made personal sacrifices (not that other's haven't...) that have left me feeling unfullfilled. I feel that I have conformed more than I ever wanted, to "normalcy" and yet..... I am still being told that I am not "normal" enough.
I have gotten a taste of what it feels like to be truly supported and appreciated and respected. I am realizing how amazing it is to have someone believe in your ambitions and want to see you reach your goals no matter what they happen to be. I know again what it's like to feel the same about someone else and their goals and dreams, as well. I want that back. I want to feel like that every day. I want to live that. I don't want to be normal, I want to be happy.
Views: 5
Add a comment!
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Model Comment by Syd Valentine on March 28, 2009 at 8:16am -
I love you too, baby.
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Model Comment by Betty Red {PL Team / Madam} on March 28, 2009 at 7:52am -
You aren't "normal" but that's what makes you beautiful. You are witty, smart, beautiful, talented, fun, FULL of charisma, and an AMAZING mother. You have been my bestie for many, many years and I can honestly say that I have seen you light up rooms, and make old women smile and compliment your hair. I have seen your daughter and son tell you you're beautiful. I have seen you do what it is you really want to do...and it's beautiful, because it's YOU.
Don't ever let someone take the YOU away, it's no way to live....trust me, I've been there (as you know). I am so proud of you, and I am ALWAYS ALWAYS here for you.
Like Desi said...you know what you want...so reach out and get it.
I LOVE YOU!
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Model Comment by Syd Valentine on March 25, 2009 at 8:20pm -
:) Like Poppy and I were saying earlier today.... funny how support from complete strangers can make you feel SO.... satisfied. Thanks
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Comment by Dottie Darling on March 25, 2009 at 7:51pm
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No one is normal! What fun would it be if we all looked, talked, and acted the exact same way?! Anyone who is trying to change is not worthy of you. Take care of yourself (and your children) and forget those that say you are not "normal."
When people say I'm not normal (which is often, lol) I say one of two things:
Thank you or (like you said) what is normal?
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Comment by Poppy Fields on March 25, 2009 at 7:46pm
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Yeeeeah, you _are_ setting a good example for your children! As in, guess what? It's okay to be YOU. OHMYGODImagine.
You made a mistake though in #1: those are grey market, knock-off, FAKE Gucci and Coach handbags (by and large). Ooooooh, I'm so impressed. And what the hell kind of example is that to set? It's okay to steal if you want it?
There's a "witty retort" I like to whip out when haters be hating (or when I'm just generally not agreeing with the way things are going): How 'bout "f*** you"? You have to say it a little fast, so the words run into each other a bit, and phrase it more like a statement, not a question. Deliver with a completely bland face for maximum impact.
I can't even reply to all this without running out of space here. Suffice to say, you have this complete internet stranger might be dangerous person's support for your methodology and mindset. But so help me, if you ever utter the phrase "Yummy Mummy"... you have been warned.
Hooker.
;D
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Model Comment by Syd Valentine on March 25, 2009 at 7:18pm -
Hahaha Thanks for listening to my s***, guys and for always saying such nice things to me....
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Comment by Edson Carlos on March 25, 2009 at 5:21pm
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OK done.... you're a damn good catch. Someone needs to calm down with the disrespect.
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Gimme a few years to read your novel dollface...
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Comment by Desirée {PL Team} on March 25, 2009 at 4:22pm
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Only you can change your life - and the lives of your beautiful babies.
It may be hard, but I'm sure you have tons of people ready to help pull you thru. Be strong, and rely on your friends. That's what they're there for.
You know what you want, you know what you need to do. Make it happen, girl! :)
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