Ignore The Dancer Behind The Screen!

[Little Miss Risk]

My head hurts. Being on tour for six months you learn things about yourself: taking a piece of gear to the head will leave a lump on your temple if your not careful, drinking more than four drinks is a bad idea, and dealing with feelings of loneliness and isolation by reaching out online is stupid. These are just some of these lessons learned. After six months I’m finally going to let my liver have some time off and despite the tour being twenty days from being finished. I’m going to hop on the wagon. No more threatening notes from my organs, just water and fruit juice. So if you buy me a shot, please make sure it’s of pineapple juice, please.

In the days that have past, we’ve met up with our friends in the Legendary Shack Shakers, corrupted minors in Toronto, visited Fort Henry in Kingston, and brained myself on my changing screens hard enough to raise a welt on my head. All in all, it’s been a busy week. So now I’m sitting in Montreal listening to Kate and JT snore (the rhythm section being in perfect sync) and nursing a wicked hangover. In this state, I’ve gotten to thinking about the people the last five shows who kept slyly angling themselves to get an unexpurgated view of Betty and I changing our costumes.

I’m not sure what this allure is to see us in mid-costume change. Since we more or less disrobe onstage it strikes me as kind of odd that people want to get an eyeful of us in a less, shall we say, choreographed way. Unless you’ve got a fetish for seeing me trying to wrestle my ass into fat-sucking pantyhose or peeping at Betty doing a pastie placement check (or a PPC as we call it) I’m truly flabbergasted. Yet despite these seemingly unappetizing visuals, there always seems to be one person trying to sneak a peek.

Maybe it’s the idea that your catching us in a candid moment. I’m not really sure what the appeal is there. Backstage photography is another one that makes me stop and scratch my head. We had one girl at a show in the Midwest taking photos of us changing backstage which, despite us saying we weren’t really cool with (translation: please stop and go outside and watch the rest of the show) she still took them and assured that it was for ‘personal use’. I’m not really sure what that pertains to, whether she has a big folder of people changing costumes on her computer or she was planning on putting them on MySpace. Either way, it seemed weird. I feel like saying that if everyone wants to wait five minutes I’ll be shedding my clothes onstage anyways, and I can assure you it’ll be more entertaining than seeing a backstage/screen view.

I’m not shy, merely confused. I come from a musical theatre and competitive dance background. In that world with quick changes everyone is dropping their drawers in front of everyone else. No one has any shame or secrets. You have a rash or a zit in an awkward place? Trust me, the whole company has seen it. As a burlesque dancer and professional strip-teaser, I’m putting it on to take it off so shyness is not a factor. Trust me, after doing this job for five years, my tits and ass are old news in many worldwide cities.

So I propose this idea: backlit changing screens. Then the audience can see us for the whole show from every bust-adjustment to every stocking pull. I daresay with all these “reality tv” programs, people getting to see the “behind the scenes” would satisfy that curiosity. But then again the allure of burlesque is the tease and what you don’t see… so perhaps I’ll incorperate a changing screen where people can’t see us do costume changes and… oops, wait, we already do that.

On second thought, I’ll just keep a pie backstage, so anyone caught peeping will get a pie in the face. A lesson will be learned and peeping toms will get their just desserts.

Little Miss Risk