Bitter Break Ups

[Rooby Blooms]

I've recently come out of a long term and horrendous relationship and i'm now struggling to reaffirm some sense of myself and find some kind of personality. What i'd like to know is:

How do you find yourself again after your 34 year old boyfriend (and father of your child) leaves you for a gorgeous 17 year old?

P.S. I'm not just feeling sorry for myself, i'd really like to know how others get past bad break ups.

[Mrs.Killer]

first step is to realize that said 34 year old EX-boyfriend is a complete and utter TOOL! it obviously wasn't meant to be between the two of you. you obviously deserve MUCH better, and i wouldn't worry my pretty little head about it. i have seen my fair share of ugly relationships, guys who flat out told me that i was almost a perfect 10, but the only thing holding me back from being that number was my body (mind you, i used to be about 305 and got down to 160, there is only so much one can do to their body) i felt terrible! totally crushed me when that happened, how do you react to something like that? then, after a long time of soaking in self pity, i realized that jerks like that weren't worth the tears. i wish there was a cure that i could share with you to make you feel better, but it's all in the beholder. you have to be able to accept it and move on. you will find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated, someone who will love you unconditionally and want you for you. hang in there momma, it'll get better :) you'll get over this like the strong woman you are. brighter days are on their way, trust me. until those days get here, why don't you have a girly day? ya know, get your hair done, nails done, a little shopping? pamper yourself for a little bit.

hope this helped :)

[Rooby Blooms]

I'm trying and i've done a few little things, it's unfortunate but as a single mum I have pretty much nothing and definitely not enough to go shopping but i have had my hair done and the exercise of walking my daughter to nursery every morning has helped me shed a few of those comfort pounds that i'd put on and has made me feel a lot more active.

I've applied for and been accepted into uni this year so i'll be moving on to do that for me but because of the way our relationship was and the kind of person he is, i've lost a lot of friends and there aren't many people to go for a girly night with. In fact, scratch that, there aren't any.

He is very intelligent and manipulated me to an awful extent, he turned me into an insecure, shy and pretty much self-loathing person over the time that we were together which culminated in him cheating on me with this 'kid' making all of my insecurities and gut feelings surface.

The best way to describe her is Ariel from the little mermaid, and i wish i was joking. I'm short, not fat, but not fit and covered from mid-thigh to underarm level with stretch marks. I'm not ugly, not by any means but when you pour everything (my entire life and decision making) into a relatioship with someone who can't tell you he loves you, sleeps with you once every 6-12 weeks (usually late at night with lights off) and then leave you for a stunner, it's really hard to feel in any way attractive.

I came on here and saw all of you beautiful women with the confidence to go and do what you love and sheltered hoping that some of the confidence would drip onto me.

Thank you for responding it helps just knowing that people have been through it, as awful as that is.

[Cherry Cyanide]

*Hugs* I am so sorry. You deserve so much better than someone who would treat you like that.

I've had my fair share of dysfunctional and just plain abusive relationships and the only thing that got me through it was time, therapy and some really good friends. I spent a lot of time soul-searching and trying to give myself the permission that it really IS ok to focus on my own self-development.

As low as you are feeling now, it will pass. You will have your good days and your "holy hell I don't think I can get out of bed days,' but it WILL get better.

[Cherry Cyanide]

P.S.- Just looked at your pics on your profile and you ARE a beautiful stunner. Don't sell yourself short.

[Rooby Blooms]

It's the money that has put me off, i've been thinking about it for a while now but the mix of fear at being in front of a camera held by someone else and the cost always stops me.
I have a guilt complex that stops me from spending on myself.

Alice Cat said:

You should totally get a pin-up shoot sorted!
It will give you so much confidence and you'll feel as beautiful as you are.. And it'll be something purely for you, something you can be proud of.. Who knows, maybe you'll decide to do more and start doing pin-up all the time!

[Dolly De Maul]

That's s***! I am sorry dear, It's fine as soon and I left my ex, he immediately ran to his best friend of 12 or so year's wife. Psh, real catch there...
It was hilarious because they had JUST previously gotten matching friendship tattoos.
It was honestly extremely easy for me to leave my ex. I to this day don't ever catch myself missing him. The near thought of being around him makes my stomach churn.I don't hate him, I just sincerely feel sorry for him and anyone involved in his life. I couldn't handle him or his family any longer, Never in my life had I met someone so inconsiderate and childish. I unfortunately had a child with him and after 2 years of trying to make it work, I took my daughter and left. I couldn't deal with being with a man who thought it was perfectly acceptable to lay his hands on a women. Never the less in front of our daughter. I put my big girl pants on and left his ass and never looked back. I figure it this way, If a man is willing to do shitty things like that. You are wasting your time. You are beautiful and can do way better off I assure you!

[Betty Maraschino {Madam}]

Rooby Blooms said:

I came on here and saw all of you beautiful women with the confidence to go and do what you love and sheltered hoping that some of the confidence would drip onto me.

Sweetie, apart from the tool you were with, you have no reason not to be confident! Your gorgeous, just like all the guys and girlies on here ;) and if you don't believe me, go look in the mirror :P

ask around on here for people to do the whole pics for time thing. I've found a few in London, so there are people out there.

take the time to go out and have fun. do things you would never normally do.

anyhow, your better off without him.

[Tessa LeTaunt {★}]

And, Rooby, you're an absolute peach. Find someone that will treat you better, because I can guarantee there is a fellow out there that will sweep you off your feet in due time. You simply have to open up that window of opportunity and cast your reel back into the metaphysical sea of fish. Never let doubt cast a shadow and keep your chin up. Life will never give you something that you cannot handle.

[Anita Fixx]

Sorry to hear this.. : ( I've been in a few really shitty relationships myself. I had an a****** tell me that I looked like his ex before plastic surgery..yeah I got him back, don't worry!
Anyway, don't let the a******* in life get to you. You are beautiful and f*** the unrealistic beauty standards this society has for women. I've been told I'm not attractive because of my unusual features..f*** em. I realize now it what makes me unique from everyone else. And I highly doubt that relationship with 17 year old Ariel will last very long or be very significant. Who has a serious, long term relationship at 17?! My grandma maybe...
I'd recommend against looking for a guy now..just relax and do what you want to do, instead of having someone dictate when and where and how. Enjoy being single and independent! Do whatever you want and that does'nt have to include shopping..read, write, paint, draw, listen to music, play music,etc.etc. I really think it's better to focus on these things rather then relationships and people who turn out to be waste of time. And it's better then racking up credit card debt!! Hope that helps.. : )

[Edson Carlos]

Behave in here or we will suspend people getting catty, I dont have time to triage souls on love lives gone wrong or time to deal with seeing the drama online.