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After being mistaken about which hospital I was going to (evidently there are TWO St. Anthony hospitals......) and then getting lost inside once I finally arrived, I got my newborn fix. Oh....My........ GOODNESS.

While listening to the soft squeaks and mews coming from Peyton's sweet little mouth and gazing into her big black eyes, I felt a couple tears welling in my own. Oh, that baby smell and that soft, satiny skin. Yummy!!!!! As I talked with my friend while she breastfed and listened to her content, amazement at creating such a perfect little life, I became certain that I should have another child.

All the memories of happiness, excitement and relief after giving birth came back to me at once. The pride that swells in you for accomplishing such a tremendous feat..... The wonder in putting a face to what remained a mystery for nine months..... It seemed like only yesterday that it was ME in that hospital gown, caressing a rosy cheek as a minuscule set of lips suckled hungrily away. It CAN'T have been over a year since I stroked the length of slender, dainty fingers and toes and downy like hair! Even now, I can feel the warmth of a miniature body curled up like a tad-pole in fetal position on my chest and hear the rapid beating of a wee, elfin heart. Even NOW, I can feel the stinging soreness after small openings have been stretched to amazingly, insane proportions and the discomfort of urinating through tender, swollen tracts. I recall PERFECTLY the agonizing perception that there is no way in HELL you are going to live through this pain...... the frantic belief that this velocity of physical suffering will LITERALLY divide and conquer your body. It's not POSSIBLE that this much time has passed since the exhaustion of waking every two hours becomes so overwhelming that you evolve into a sort of zombie, staggering around in a haze.... constantly hungry and never satisfied by food, or sleep.

Needless to say that by the time I got half way home I changed my mind again.
I'm SOOOOOOO good with the three lovely children that I have! ( Thank the heavens for vasectomies. )

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