He would kill me 1st and then him.

[Mrs.Killer]

so an old flame came in contact with me today, awkward.....keep in mind if my husband wasn't in the picture, he would've been the man i married, but he wasn't ready when i was so i had to move on, we went our separate ways for a bit and he found out i got married and it broke his heart. his exact words were "i'm too late huh." we hadn't spoken since that day until today...

i thought about telling my husband, but this guy isn't exactly an easy topic to bring up around him. my hubby hated this guy and didn't even know him, i had to end my friendship with him and everything because of the sanctity of our marriage. i didn't want something like that to drive him and i apart. i love him so much and i am so lucky to have such a wonderful hard working man, but when i saw (lets call the old flame cowboy) but when i saw cowboy i kinda got that crazy nervous feeling. ya know when you get excited about something, that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach and the fluttering in your chest, i felt like such a terrible wife. cowboy and i chatted for a bit and caught up with each other. he's really interested in a girl to the point infact that he is thinking about marrying her. deep down my heart sank. i hate myself for even feeling that way, here i am shopping with my child while my husband works harder than any man i have ever known out in the hot heat to provide for me and our daughter. cowboy and i hugged and went our separate ways. on my way home all i could think about was "what might've been" and "what if." what kind of person does that to someone who would give them the world if they could. it's been eating away at me. should i tell john and risk getting the 20 million questions. john can't stand cowboy, mainly because i kindof put john second when cowboy was in the situation. i don't blame him, but i know the right thing would be to tell him, but i dont know that i can. should i hide it from him or should i be totally honest and open...the way our marriage should be. i feel so torn about it, i guess we will see.