we're all getting ready for viva, right? thought this was funny and that i should share:

[Xtina Badgirl]

Pre- Viva Preparation....
1.
..There are plenty of us that are new to the
lifestyle or get dumped, ditched, or flaked on Pre-Viva. It’s pretty sad to go to Vegas and have no
one to party with. I suggest hitting up any of the Pre-Viva events that happen
during the two weeks leading up to Viva. Check out Black Cat Entertainment on
myspace and other event groups…they usually have some cool pre-viva events like
Rumble Bar, Rhythm and Booze etc. This is an excellent opportunity to hone in
on potential ass targets. It works
extremely well because most people’s partners don’t always end up making it to
Vegas for that weekend, so you can scope the territory and make sure you don’t
turn into a home wrecker. If you aren’t looking for ass, then you can use it as
an opportunity to find people to party with because it may potentially make or
break your weekend. Contrary to popular belief, rockabilly people aren’t a*******,
they are usually willing to party as long as you aren’t an a******.

..2.
..Burn some music CDs for the road trip.

..3.
..Alcohol
– this is a must, especially in this economy. For the weekend portion at least
1 liter hard liquor bottle per girl and 2 hard liquor bottles per guy. My
personal favorite is rum because it mixes well and disguises well as water when
you are walking around =) Beer is another story but you can always buy a boot
or a yard drink for $15 and refills for five bucks. Booze is actually cheaper
in California…. Go to Cost-co or Bev-mo and stock up. Liquor is not sacred in
hotel parties or after-hours, if it is out, then it is open season on your
booze and assumed to be safe for drinking. Stash your favorites and pull them
out gradually….or risk being labeled a hold-out. If you are smart… stash water
bottles full of your favorite clear liquors… people will leave it alone and you
can carry it to go when needed. Carry Tums or Rolaids with you at all times, it
will help neutralize some of the excess… and gum… liquor breath is nasty.

..4.
..Have packs of cigarettes ready and handy, even
if you don’t smoke…they are great conversation starters…. And open up a world
of social opportunity in the five minutes it takes to smoke one.

..5.
..Make sure that you have phone numbers ready.
Hell, it might even be a good idea to bring calling cards with you if you are
that determined. Most people are too drunk to properly program their phone
number into a million cell phones especially when it is crowded. Cards or
pre-written slips of paper make the process that much simpler. You can go to
Vistaprint.com and get some ones with you pic on it too! HAHAHAHA!

Food

Don’t be an idiot not to eat when you are drinking. Avoid
some of the protein and get some starch. It’s easier coming up if it has to get to that
point. I would suggest bringing a cooler with lunch meat and Capri suns. It is
easy, they double as mixers and they fit into purses. You would be surprised at
how little you will eat. The Wild Wild West Casino has $ 2.99 full breakfast
that is actually pretty good and is served until 12pm. Buffets are good, as
others have said before me, bring plastic baggies and a big purse.

Getting Ass at Viva

.. ..
We all want to get laid. Drink, fight, and f***, it comes
with the territory. This is a hot bed of lust and sin, and for many are the one
reason why we flock to Viva so enthusiasticall..y.

.. ..

Guys: Women do not want to hear about your hot car and about
how hot our tits are. We know this; why else would we wear a corset and have
our nipples hanging out? The best pick up line is “Hi” and have a drink waiting
for us. At Viva booze + a little aloof game = p****. It won’t take you much to
get laid because most girls are in what I call their “Ho Stroll” in Vegas; you
just have to make sure you aren’t a leering idiot. Tell me I’m cute and pick something
unique to say about me. It’s pretty simple and it will set you apart. Also, dancing=p****, don’t be a f** and knock
on the guys that jive because they are getting more ass than you. Also, remember the unspoken rules of
cock-blocking and territory. If you see a chick talking to a guy, leave her
alone. Shouting at us saying “baby, come here…” will not turn our heads.

.. ..
Likewise, this is a good weekend to take one for the team.
Girls rarely travel without a pack so unless you are prepared for a whole group
of partying gals drinking your booze, don’t invite one to your room unless she
has made out with you and is ready to do it.
Work the group and single out the weak ones to isolate your target. Hedge
your bets and f*** the designated ugly friend or fat friend because everyone
wants some love. If you’re a guy, just make sure you have some condoms and try
not to get whiskey d***… trust me when I say most RAB chicks will open their
mouth about this in the bathroom drunk and pissed about your performance.

.. ..
Women: This is more complicated for us ladies because so
much can happen.

.. ..
..1.
..Guys don’t really want to hear you prattle on
about the one etc…if you are looking for a relationship, go to a pre-viva event
and scope it out there. Guys in Vegas are mostly looking to have fun, or they
are getting over their ex. Despite this, you should aim for quality in your
hookups so that you can brag about it later, plus good chemistry makes for
better sex. You don’t need to act like a
whore to get a RAB guy to notice you. Despite the fact that they think with their
dicks, they have a soul too, and want a real woman.

..2.
..Despite the bad boy reputation, many of them
simply want to treat a lady like a lady and can be quite chivalrous and like
being old-fashioned. This means that you follow etiquette. Swooning over his tattoos and other manly
features gets them going, let him open the door and initiate some of the
contact, be polite and don’t act like a b****. Most of these guys are laid back
and just want a girl that is “Cool” even if it is just a f***. You will earn
brownie points if you have good taste in beer and can talk somewhat coherently
about cars and if your friends are not idiotic. Hell, if you bring him back to
your room, make it an experience to remember and play some good psychobilly
music or make out in the car to oldies =)

..3.
..Bring a booty call kit and have it with you at
all times! For me, this kit includes: 1 package of “Plan B” (get it for free at
your local clinic), 6 Condoms, Lubricant, Wet Wipes, an extra pair of undies. Accidents
happen, and it’s often worse for girls than guys.

..4.
..Remember that everything does not stay in Vegas.
The scene is notoriously small and acting like a slut will get heard by LOTS of
people. You would be amazed at the amount of relationships that have ended
because a gal or guy hooked up with their future significant other’s cousin or crew
mate at Viva. Men simply don’t give a s***, and RAB guys can be especially
possessive and insecure. Viva is the perfect place to go on a “Ho Stroll with
your Ho Patrol… “but do it sensibly, if you must, make sure to question the guy
on what crews he is a part of and where he is from. This can potentially save you a lot of
headache… or just f*** one of the many non-RAB guys who think alt-scene /
suicide-..girls-looking chicks are hot.

..5.
..Realize that the guy you are talking to is most likely
working 3 or 4 girls. Accept this and
don’t be pissed when you see a drunken b**** hanging all over him later or even
dogging you. It may be his girlfriend or just some chick he f*****. Don’t take
it personal. In fact, you can even set yourself apart by not tripping on a dumb
b**** that had no choice but to throw herself all over the guy. D*** is not
worth a fight, but it’s worth a laugh.

..6.
..If you have big tits, be sure to keep your
phone, ID and Wallet in your bra. Viva is crowded and when you are drunk it is
really easy to lose your purse. It is also a great way to get some attention
from a hot guy and start a conversation when you pull something out of there =)

..7.
..Realize that guys can be pretty dirty and often
share rooms like there is no tomorrow. If a guy takes you to his room, don’t be
surprised to see a group of drunken friends passed out on the floor or trying
to watch you do it. They don’t really care…if it comes to this, have some class
and f*** your dude in the bathroom or take him to your room.

..8.
..Arrange the booty schedule ahead of time.
Whoever paid the most on the room gets first dibs on bringing people over.
Prime time is midnight to 4 am… all other times are up for grabs. Be sure to
arrange special knocks or codes. Treat it like college if you have to.

.. ..
Practice
the following etiquette.

.. ..

..1.
..If a guy buys you a drink, even if he is ugly,
FINISH THE DRINK WITH HIM and have a
conversation … if you don’t do this… you will develop a pretty bad reputation,
and plus it is just plain bitchy. If you aren’t willing to chill with the guy,
don’t accept the drink … simple as that. And if you accept more than one drink
from him, he’s expecting you to give him at least a b****** so…leave or buy
your own drinks like a woman.

..2.
.. WIPE OFF
YOUR RED LIPSTICK BEFORE YOU F*** OR MAKE OUT!!!
Having lipstick stains on
either of you is not cute and makes you both look like whores. Plus, it is a
b**** to take off without alcohol or a shower

..3.
..After you finish, stay for at least a half hour and
leave discretely unless invited to stay. If the person doesn’t cuddle you or
make a move to keep you in bed with them by then, it is because they don’t want
to be rude and demand that you go, so take the hint… unless you are going to
f*** them again

..4.
..Don’t be a whore and leave a “love” reminder. It is stupid and you will look desperate.

..5.
..Don’t be a c*** and not tell your friends where
you are. Check in and tell them where you are at. If you are going to leave
without your buddies, fine, but don’t be a c*** and f*** up everyone’s night by
worrying your group.

..6.
..Thou shalt not touch anybody’s hair!!! This is a
no-no and it is sure to get you maimed, or have your ass kicked for in amount
of time it took to comb that pompadour.

..7.
..Don’t criticize cars, hair, clothes, taste in
music or talk s*** about anybody…you are just asking for trouble.

..8.
..Fat girls do give good head and are great in bed…
not cause they are hungry… because they rock…assume it, remember, don’t ever
ask about it again. We were meant for RAB guys because we can take a good
beating without breaking. Accept big
chicks and they will rock your world… they are inevitable in this scene and
chances are, she has hot friends that she would be more than willing to hook
you up with if you are cool.

..9.
..Make sure you are both single if you hook up
with a person. You don’t want to cause a fight…when you find out that that hot
guy is on his third wife and 6th kid.

..10. ..Thou
shalt leave posers alone… everybody has a first time. Acting like an a******
doesn’t make you authentic, it makes you pathetic and someone should stick an
upright bass up your tight ass. So guy can’t name 5 artists from Sun Records,
leave em alone!

..11. ..Do
the walk of shame with class. Brush your teeth or rinse, wipe off any runny
makeup, make sure everything is buttoned and look fresh when you leave the
room. You are not invisible when you stumble out… at least do so with dignity.

..12. ..You
will be taking TONS of incriminating pictures with random people. Make sure you
ask them BEFORE YOU TAKE THE PICTURE if it is okay to post it on Myspace. You
could ruin someone’s life.

..13.
..RESPECT THE MUSIC!!!! IT is somebody’s art.
Sure the bassist sucks but, if you want professionals and crazy s***, go to a
sell-out. Throwing drinks and blaming the artists will get you labeled an ass
or worse. If you didn’t like the line up then you shouldn’t have bought a wrist
band… ....

.. ..

[Poppy Fields]

Lunch meat makes a good mixer? I've been doing it all wrong! ;P

Here's a tip to make the venting of stomachs a little more pleasant (assuming you have time between "I feel sick" and "here it comes!"): camomile tea. It makes even the WORST vom taste like flowers. Truly! I spent one horrible, torturous, food-poisoned night crying and praying for sweet death to take me now for hours on end, and camomile tea made it almost enjoyable.

You're welcome :D

[Brenda Starr]

This is classic!!! A true "must have" for VLV... or like a VLV for dummies... Either way it's f****** classic!!