Sideshow Impostors

[Lenore Lovelace]

Right from the start I'd like to say that if this offends you than perhaps you should examine yourself. I will make no apologies for being brutally honest.

What is the deal with all of these people calling themselves sideshow performers when they clearly are not?

For example, last year I chatted with this girl who said she was a stilt walker and fire eater, who was trying to teach herself sword swallowing [with a SAI of all things] and doing some performances for fetish events. Now I don't hold a very high opinion of her, but that's due to the fact she told me, point blank, that she wants to get a name banner tattoo just like mine. Anyone worth a s*** knows this is an unspoken tattoo commandment that does not get broken unless you're one of those a******* just doing this for the money/fame/p****/what f****** ever. Point of note that my artwork is 100% custom, and was gift to myself on my 24th b-day, so it holds a lot of significant meaning. That's a separate issue that will get some attention later on.

The proverbial straw that broke the camel's back was when she stole a phrase I use quite frequently. [Oh, and people stealing things from me is a whole other can of worms I don't think you want me to get into. I might make you cry.]

Don't f*** with the Carnies.

I'll tell you why if you really have to know. For the sake of publicity, I'll cite these lyrics from Hank Williams III:

We are a certain breed and we don't like you
Some are junkies, some are freaks and others are every day ghouls
No one will ever know what we've been thru
And we are proud in the light of the moon

My kindness and patience had reached it's limit, and I wound up telling her exactly what I thought of her. Which let me just say was such a great relief, despite the fact I don't think one word of it sank in. You see, all too often I keep my mouth shut to be the Nice Guy when inside I am angry because yet another person finds an interest in circus/sideshow/burlesque/etc. and suddenly think it makes them a star. Or worse, that now they can title themselves however they wish.

It's one thing to say you are sideshow performer and have a nice list of acts that you excel in, such as the Human Blockhead, fire eating, sword swallowing, Bed of Nails...any of the traditional working acts. Even if every kid with enough money can buy their knowledge of these acts, there's are many things that don't come with that printed 'certificate'. Oh, and being That Guy who knows the more 'famous' performers and that's why you can do tattoo conventions or what ever just shows how little things like honesty, loyalty and integrity really mean.

It is entirely misleading to call yourself a sideshow performer if you do not exhibit yourself in sideshow. Allow me to clarify. If you perform illusions, you are a MAGICIAN'S ASSISTANT. Even if you perform said illusions in a sideshow or under a tent, you are still nothing more than the pretty face/body mandatory for the stage show. You are a prop, and despite the thought that you are a star and can never be replaced...well, don't quit your day job honey.

I am so sick of people thinking they are super cool for claiming to be something they are not. Reality check kids: lying might make you score points with all the scene kids, but there are enough of us shaking our heads wondering why you are getting away with this. Aren't there enough scenes out there to take advantage of? Goth and Punk are both highly popular and have many variations that will keep you changing your look and stance of which subcategory you fit into that you'll be more plastic than Pamela Anderson's boobs. Let's see, there's Cyber and Steampunk and being a Pin Up Girl is totally hot right now. Plenty of things to occupy your time, as there's research to be done in order to obsess over all the haute alt-scene-whore ware.

All of you 'performers' are only that, whether you are hardcore serious and dedicated to what you do, or are one of those leeches that's doing it for all the wrong reasons. You think it's hard packing yourself into a car and driving a couple hours away to do your thing? *wah* It must be oh so back breaking to get free drinks, do drugs and shamelessly flirt with everything that will give you a moment of attention.

Oh, and one of my biggest outrages at the moment is the introduction of a new 'character' on the popular sports entertainment program known as WWE. I am surprised to not have seen this mentioned anywhere else [tho I found it while doing research for Issue 3 of Alive On the Inside]. His name is Kizarny. With me now. ::bangs head into keyboard:: I'd like to me the a****** who decided this would be cool. I am all for promoting circus and sideshow. I can appreciate the fact that it's infiltrated mainstream media. However, there is a huge difference between the fantasy world that is often portrayed to the ignorant audience, and then there is disgusting reality that lies beneath. I'm not saying that it's all b*******, but considering that part of sideshow was built on that, it's hard to get away from it. It's just very disheartening to have once admired so many people, only to see what they were really like. Off stage, without that spot light and music and crowd, at the end of the day they are still people...and people can be very rotten.

The first kid that I hear attempting to speak Carny [as that's what the delightful WWE douche spouts out] is getting a beat down. I have tolerated a lot of scene b*******, to the point where I've had my life threatened. Since I'm still here, it's obvious that I don't care what people say or think about me. You can't just slap some silly labels on me and file me into one of your categories. To quote GG Allin: "I don't fit into a certain genre. I don't play this game or that game. I do it my way, alone, any way I have to with anyone I can get who's willing to come along for the fight."

I was born with sawdust in my veins, and Circus is a large part of my life for more reasons than you could possibly understand. Being a Carny isn't spending a year working with a carnival, graduating from the Coney Island Sideshow School or even having performed with Ward Hall. You don't get points for any of that s***, because being a Carny isn't a glamorous lifestyle. It take a lot more than name dropping and endlessly bragging about your minor accomplishments. Yea, it's cool to see that people are pumped and want to be a part of the scene.

That's just the thing tho...you are in a scene. You are not in a tent, and please, just because you do go out with Ward Hall doesn't impress me one bit. He's an old man that's doing the only thing he's ever known for most of his life. To an extent, I can understand why many performers do what they do. In the end, we are all hustlers. Will probly upset some people with that statement, but it's the truth. The sideshow is one big hustle. I knew it when I was a kid and saw the wad of bills in the hands of man who sat in a ticket box. I knew it when I went to Ringling Bros. for the first time in many years, all of the appropriate merchandising still being sold.

Don't fool yourself into thinking that everyone who performs is doing it solely for the love of it. There are things like money, popularity and internet/t.v. fame that are far more enticing to most people. Why bother with boring details like history? No one gives a s*** about that. They just want to see the girls come out and take their tops off. Wait, when did I get to the strip club?

There are so many who proclaim their love of the art, while simultaneously being a hypocrite as they take money for a gig. The ridiculousness is overwhelming, but I seem to be one of very few that even notices this sort of thing. How can you say you are trying to preserve it when you are treating it like a joke? I'm not saying that you have to be serious all the time, but if you're going to constantly be quoted, than perhaps you can take a moment to point out the things you have actually accomplished. You know, physical evidence that you are in fact preserving history and not just enjoying the ride.

Does it matter to anyone else besides me? I certainly hope so. I see you here on my 'friends' list, but I know very few of you personally. Those who have made their voices heard agree with me, and I cannot thank you enough for your support. There needs to be more of it, and we must collectively rise up and help continue the tradition of Circus in our country. It has been much more than a scene for two hundred years, and allowing it to become such is an atrocity to the point where I am almost ashamed that I ever wanted to be a part of it.

I live in Philadelphia, birth place of American Circus, and I feel like the last of a dying breed. Please let me know that I'm not alone.

<3
Lenore Angel 'Baby' Lovelace, Carny Trash Aristocrat