Zombies and Man Eating Seals

[Little Miss Risk]

It seems I can't leave the city of Vancouver without everything going to hell in a hand-basket. I don't hold any one person responsible but I think we are letting our civic vigilance slide, as it were. I only mention this because I became susceptible to a strange zombie curse and heard about vicious pinnipeds in the area and would like to ask the city what they plan to do about it. Either way, the Conservatives will blame the Liberals and the NDP, the Liberals will call out the Conservatives and the NDP, the NDP will point the finger at the Liberals and the Conservatives and everyone on the whole will ignore the Green Party. Either way, something needs to be addressed about this...

The Swine Flu scare aside, I found myself after a long trans-Atlantic flight back from Germany with fatigue taking it's toll on me. The Air Transat people, while feeding me what I thought was The Chicken Dinner was, in fact, feeding me a strange concoction that would guarantee I'd stumble around for the next 24 hours with typical zombie behavior: staring blankly at nothing, moaning, and continuing to move though all logic should point to me being dead.

It's probably unfair to lump wholesale blame onto the Air Transat catering people, though. I'm not 100% certain, but the midnight to 6AM drive from Wilhelmshaven to Frankfurt might have played a role. The 9 hour flight may have also been a factor, although the highlight of this was the announcement on the plane that drinking Duty Free alcohol purchases was NOT permitted. Spoilsports. If self-medication wasn't an option then no wonder I fell prey to the Jet Lag curse. I did try my darnedest to stay awake and moving around (you'll notice this as typical zombie behavior - you rarely see an idle zombie... they are kind of go-getters in their own way) but I was failing. The only thing that snapped me out of it was a BBQ at our friend Johnny's house (he's the guy that can replace your transmission blindfolded and give you tips on how to best prepare seasonal fiddleheads) with our friends. Like all zombies, once I finally got some meat in my system I started to look for somewhere to plant myself in the sod. I wound down after stumbling home and passed out in a meat coma until this morning. Thank goodness than Johnny and Jenn were able to break the curse otherwise I'd still be moving around the house in a daze.

Which brings me to the baby-eating seals of Vancouver...

I cannot honestly make up news this amusing if I tried. The full story is here at CBC for those who want the dirt. Basically the low down is 5-year old was feeding seals on cleaning dock and a seal snatched her. I noticed that the dock in question is in West Vancouver. I guess what upsets me is everyone is assuming that food was a motivating factor here. Maybe it is, but let's maybe think about this a little deeper: if the seal grabs the kid, that's maybe one or two meals. If the seal and it's colony hold the kid ransom, get a fat pay-off from panicked West Van parents, then they can buy way more fish than the flesh of one scrawny little girl will give them. I'm not saying they're full out terrorists but I think there's a higher motivation at work.

I also think that these guys are smooth con artists. I mean, come on... if it was a homeless guy at the dock asking for change you'd probably spurn him like a rabid dog... because seals have those big, sad eyes and look cute we're handfeeding them we fall over ourselves to feed them fish. When was the last time you ever hand-fed a hungry homeless person? Probably not today... So I have a solution for the city. Dress the panhandlers in really cute seal outfits. Have them do a trick or something if they are feeling saucy. We'll be quicker to take care of our socially disadvantaged and trick people in the upper caste to care about them. As for the seals? Well, if you get any ransom notes that smell like fish, maybe watch out for your young ones.

Little Miss Risk