misunderstood

[envy von needles]

so i sit here wondering why its so hard for people to understand me, my lifes been crazy im 26, and yet feel like im going on 40! ive been through a lot in my life, but i want to feel free from all the craziness, sometimes i feel like giving up,all though it isnt that easy, i have a 8 year old who'll be 9, soon i raised him all alone, and happy cause i did real good. but theres times that i feel like i havent done enough, i feel ugly, i feel like somethings missing in my life, what it is?? i dont know, but what takes everything away just for a min. is being in front of the camera lense, i feel so free, like i have no worries in the world..when i was a child i remember posing in front of the camera, and i saw a picture of me at the lake wearing a swimsuit, and underneath my mother wrote "my future model..iris lynn" the year read "88". i guess modeling was my calling, and i love it! i love that im different and not looking like every other run way model..but my next step is posing nude, full nude, but why cant people understand this? its like theyve never watched movies where they showed nude scenes, or seen a naked body, its more of a problem with my boyfriend, my parents back me up regardless..but him..no, he swears im trying to sleep with everyone or their trying to sleep with me, it gets so annoying. then theres my privacy issue, i dont get any with him, i get my alone time in the bathroom..literally! i just dont know what to do anymore, why should i be with someone that is holding me back in life? im tired of making everyone else happy and not myself.