Crystal Precious' Guide To Guest List Etiquette

[Little Miss Risk]

…or “this is why your not on the list”.

Crystal Precious is one of my best friends and favorite people on the planet. As the drive from Medford OR was 12 hours long and there wasn’t much to write about and this is very relevant to all party promoters and goers, I figured I’d repost this for everyone else to enjoy. Listen closely children, and she shall tell you a tale…

-Little Miss Risk

‘Sup Sassbots…

OK… so whateves, I suppose this may be construed as kind of a ballsy thing to post. Good thing that I just happen to be a ballsy-ass b****. And please – don’t misunderstand – I’m not so audacious to believe that I am the ULTIMATE end-all be-all ETIQUETTE EXPERT or that this list represents the feelings of all the promoters in town. Hardly. But it IS a compilation of the remarks and observations of my several years as a hostess to dozens and dozens of events with both esteemed partners and outside promoters, which span different corners of the scene. Believe it or not, Guest List Politics do remain fairly constant, no matter what kind of party it is.

Presently, to my extreme pleasure, Vancouver’s subcultures seems to be literally booming with events, many of which are occurring outside of conventional nightclub sphere… and the community seems to be growing tighter & larger, our immediate circles bigger and bigger. This is obviously totally rad. Proportionally however, as to be expected, the guestlists are growing longer & longer and the requests are getting more and more frequent.

Now don’t get me wrong – I am a big supporter of the guest-list. I am, after all, a performance artist of humble means and am admittedly hugely reliant on bartering for all kinds of shiz, event admission included. My intention with this post ISN’T to virtually spank everyone who’s ever made a guestlist request; that would just be straight-up hypocritical. I just thought that it might be a good idea to point out that there seem to be, shall we say, respectful ways to approach the guest-listy aspect of this world – and also that there are also some not-so respectful ways that, over time, have begun to naw and scratch upon the depths of my fun-loving soul (insert dramatic moaning). My suspicions are that I am not alone.

I’m hoping that this little guide can provide some relief for promoters, some enlightenment for those perhaps unaware of their faux-pas… and for the rest, perhaps some entertainment. I’m planning to post this to my (fairly well-read) blog, so please, FEEL FREE to add comments or let me know if I you think I should include anything else. I’m curious as hell as to what people think about this.

So. Let’s get started.

1. DO PAY IF YOU CAN. Let’s be straight-up… a lot of people who are able to pay still ask for guestlist because they like the “prestige” of being on the list. They like the VIP treatment of skipping line & being ushered in, they like showing off for their date, etc, etc. Not gonna lie, I enjoy that part too. Who wouldn’t? It feels special and we all like to feel special. BUT – if you are at all able to pay something, we would adore it if you would.

One appreciated option is, instead of asking for guestlist, ask for what we call at DH call VIP status. “Hey, I can pay – I’m just wondering if I can skip the line / or if you can hold a ticket for me”. Some promoters will even offer a discounted cover for VIP’d peeps (please note that you’ll still need to have an additional incentive for them to do this for you, otherwise everyone would do it). This is a good compromise because you get the line-passing benefits that you enjoy, all while leaving room for someone else who maybe can’t pay at all. And that’s a nice thing to do.

2. DO ASK AS FAR IN ADVANCE AS POSSIBLE (usually a week is pretty good). Then, if your spot is confirmed, it may be a good idea to gently remind the promoter via e-mail or text a few days before the event so they don’t forget you while they’re drafting up the list.

3. DO ALWAYS OFFER TO DO SOMETHING in return for being guestlisted or VIP’d. This is standard. For example, my usual thing is to trade a guestlist spot for an event I’m hosting (for many promoters, reciprical guestlisting is common). Or offer to volunteer - to help set-up the day of the event or clean up afterwards. Offer to pick the DJ up from the airport; to contribute special décor or sass to the party; to do something else for the company: lend them gear, send an e-mail blast about their event, etc. etc. Offer something they can actually use or would want. BUT REMEMBER: there is only so much trade/labour/freebies a promoter will want to accept in exchange for guestlist spots, especially if the venue has limited space or the party has huge costs (ex: big headliner). After that they’re just gonna need straight-up cash. That’s why making your proposal early is a good idea.

4. DO NOT ASSUME that because you are a good friend of the promoters or that because you come to all the events that you are entitled to a spot on the list. This seems like an obvious concept but you’d be surprised how many people still seem to take things like this for granted. Don’t get me wrong, regulars & close friends - your continued support is very much appreciated and the love is strong– but that doesn’t make the events less expensive or labourious to produce. So unless you have contributed already in some other way, offer to help out. Think of it like party karma… otherwise we will start wondering why you think you should get in for free.

5. DO be gracious and please, DO NOT be offended if the promoter is not able to grant your guestlist request, even if you are their babymama & a veritable guestlist superstar who asked for a spot three weeks in advance in exchange for building the party’s Taj Mahal. Sometimes promoters are just not able to do it… again because staff/volunteer jobs are already covered, or the space is limited, or the party is being produced by an outside promoter, or it’s a fundraiser for a charitable cause, or is just super expensive to produce (i.e. big headliner, lots of décor, festival), or because the list is filled up with investors or people calling in owed favours. It REALLY doesn’t mean the promoters don’t love you or that you are not special or appreciated. It just means that they need you to pay for the service being provided, which is a totally fair request. I’m going to admit that I really have sad-face when people give me attitude about not being able to guest-list them. If you had a friend in retail, would you give them attitude because they couldn’t give you merchandise for free? It’s sort of the same thing, I feel.

6. DO NOT, for the LOVE of GOD, make your request the day before or, the day of the event. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE. This is generally a promoter’s number one-super-ULTRA-pet-peeve because everyone is super busy loading in, decorating, picking up talent, sound checking, checking in with staff, running around looking for things like extension cords & zapstraps, rehearsing, putting together last-minute outfits and grabbing change for the float. We love you but don’t have time to talk to you and our guestlist is almost always full at this point anyway. Again, close friends, THIS APPLIES TO YOU! Yes, you are special… but unfortunately, your special-ness doesn’t make the day any less busy or the guestlist any less full. I once had a friend show up at the Dollhouse on Hallowe’en during the day to ask me to get him and several friends into an event that a) wasn’t mine and b) had been sold out for weeks (he knew it was, too). Not only did he put me on the spot and make me say “no” a bunch of times (which everyone hates having to do), he wasted about 20 minutes of time I desperately needed for set-up, and without offering to help out, at that. Normally I think this guy is super cool – but that day I thought about feeding him to vampires. People, please. Remember Guideline #2!!!

7. DO BE GOOD & SURE TO SHOW UP if you are on the guestlist or have tickets held for you VIP style. This rule is extremely important for busy parties / big headliners / sold out shows. Remember: You are taking up a spot that could go to someone else. Your acceptance of this spot has probably caused the promoter to say no to someone else’s request. If you don’t show up, there is sad face. I mean, of course s*** happens, and if there is some last minute problem and you can’t come, text the promoter as soon as you know. . but if you cancel without notice and you’re not sick, called into work or going into labour… well, I already said it. Sad face.

8. DO remain POLITE & PATIENT with security and the door staff while they look for you on the list or if you have to wait for capacity reasons. PSST: Door people don’t really care if you’re in the film industry / hanging out with a B-list celebrity / also a DJ or performer / “with the DJ” (seriously?!) / in a tiny outfit / come to all the parties / get into every club downtown all the time / drop the names of everyone throwing the party / are friends with God, etc. etc…. If you are impolite to the door staff, the promoters will find out about it in about 5 minutes. Trust me. And to be honest, they might judge you a bit. Especially if you say something like, “Don’t you know who I am?”. DON’T say that. Ever.

9. DON’T pretend that you are on the guestlist if you know that you aren’t. Be classy, folks. I am often within earshot of the door at Dollhouse- grabbing costume s*** behind the front room curtain or around the corner - & hearing people INSIST that “I talked to Crystal today and she said I was on the list”. Then I poke my head around the corner and give them a weird look because I have never met them and have caught them in a blatant lie. We’ve also had women we’ve never seen before coming up to the door saying that they are dancers in the Sweet Soul troupe – sometimes saying this even to CARA or CHERRY, who are like, “Ummmm… noooooo, pretty sure you’re not, actually.” This has happened 3 separate times to Cara. I’m dead serious.

10. If you DO have confirmation that you should be on the list but they can’t find you on there, please DO continue to be polite & patient and PLEASE do not take this personally. Event-land is crazy and forgive us, but sometimes we forget stuff. You have two choices now. You can leave your wallet or keys / etc with security and try to go find the promoter to go back and let you in, or you can pay & deliberately run into the promoter at the bar, where they will probably slap their foreheads, apologize and buy you a round or two. Either way, I guarantee that 99.9 % of the time, it was a completely accidental oversight that they will rectify.

11. DON’T assume that promoters are making tons of money and they are being stingy because they don’t have big guest lists. I hope you can forgive me if this next sentence shatters your hopes and dreams of the oh-so glamourous party world (cue images of Cherry moving Porta-Potties and me wiping vomit) - but contrary to popular belief, MAKING MONEY BY THROWING EVENTS IS ACTUALLY EXTREMELY DIFFICULT. A lot people look around the event and multiply guests with admission – they don’t factor in costs like security, door staff, talent, flights, riders, accommodations, gear, transportation for said gear (often truck rentals), venue costs, lighting, décor, graphic design, printing, etc. etc. etc. not to mention the hours and labour it takes to conceive, promote, set-up & host an event. There is an additional hit for events held in private studios (like DollHouse) that aren’t supported by constant liquor sales like conventional nightclubs – a rental fee. Nightclubs can generally afford to offer up rooms for free (although most will only do this on weekdays, generally) because they’re allowed to sell booze every night. This is also why it is often easier to get onto nightclub guestlists then private event guestlists. Private studios like Dollhouse or Open Studios can’t do that because they can only sell liquor in limited amounts.

Even if the event is very successful, or the promoters are very established, they STILL tend to make only around $3 - $5 / hour when all is said and done. (Now you can see why we all like to trade guestlist spots!) Let me be clear - I’m not trying to whine about how hard it is to be an underground promoter, far from it. I love it, I love our community and I couldn’t possibly imagine doing anything else. My objective is simply to elucidate and provide a little perspective. After seeing dozens and dozens of events come through the space and over the years, I will say that promoting is not the kind of business you get into because you want to make money. Promoters get into it because they are passionate as hell. They work their a**** off and deal with HUGE amounts of risk. I have mad respect for the promoters in this city - I know the hits they have taken, the work they put into it, the b******* they put up with (I also know how rewarding it can be to feel like you’ve contributed something to someone’s epic night, or to the scene… super awesome feeling). And I am very happy for those who have garnered success after years of hard work. They deserve serious props, and as far as I’m concerned, a bit of guestlist-oriented respect.

So yeah. There you have it, my Guestlist Guidelines, b**** balls to the wall.

Sass out,
CP