Band/Burlesque Myths

[Little Miss Risk]

In the spirit of New Year's resolutions, I feel this blog will fall into that category. Recently, due to my extremely mind-body oriented roommate, Miss Lola Frost, I have been hitting the yoga mat everyday. As expected, I can't really do that in Vancouver without coming across a slew of Lululemon slogans here and there, but for the most part they are helpful chunks of good advice. My favorite is a Eleanor Roosevelt one that states "Do one thing a day that scares you". I think that confronting some truths about the reality of burlesque and bands might be in order. Time once again to get back up on that ol' soapbox and talk about the myth versus reality of what to expect, what goes down, and why I dislike getting lumped into the same mess...

Myth: Starting up a band/getting into burlesque to attain a girlfriend/boyfriend.

Okay, so I've heard all about the guys who start bands to get girls (cough, cough, JB) and girls who get into burlesque because they want to meet and mate with guys from Motley Crue (no accounting for taste). Let me tell you that's a bad idea... I probably shouldn't talk because the only people I have really dated/been with in the last six years are performers. One I worked with closely (still do) and the others have been because they understand what it's like to be on the road, deal with snarky sound guys, etc. But if your driving reason to do art is to nail someone, then maybe you should think about being a lawyer or something that makes money. Most artists are starving and will cheerfully accept company and a meal... (please see: Mom! I Fed This Dancer And Now She Won't Leave on tips how good company but NOT to be a freeloading ho-bag)

Myth: Being onstage makes you hotter

I think it's safe to say we've all seen someone on stage before at a show who gets ten percent more attractive *because* they are on that stage, and not in spite of it. It's good to remember that yes, they are hot when they are doing a drum solo/tassel twirling, but try to ask yourself are they still going to be that hot when they miss their rent and you've got to cut a cheque or they have their feet on your coffee table and have drank all your Drambuie. Maybe it's the ultra-good lights that comes from being onstage that flatters those under them, but if you get offstage and your still an a****** who steps on kittens than your hotness factor I think is debatable. Better to try and and be a kind person offstage so as not to break the glamour of the spell those expensive club lights cast on you.

Myth: You will get paid for your first gig, and every subsequent one

I have done a lot of free shows. A lot. I remember the goofy dance I did when I got word I was getting an actual PAID gig. Now that might be crummy management OR because I was paying my dues. I see a lot of new bands expecting to get paid supporting slot cash when it's their first gig. Gas money, sure and drinks but if you aren't drawing people in like flies to honey and murdering your set, then don't roll in and act like Aerosmith. Likewise, don't drink all the water backstage. Sharing is a good thing. I also see a lot of burlesque dancers who are new and fresh-faced who jump onstage after taking a course and then look around for their paycheque right after. While a good chunk of the new kids put quite a bit of work into their costumes/props/routines, there are a lot that don't and wear their La Senza bustiers as costumes. When you spend more time and coin on your dance/presentation then I'd be willing to pay you to perform, but not before. But in the meantime, here are some drink tickets and help yourself to whatever water the other band has left backstage.

Myth: It's okay to get shitfaced at the show.

It's not. Get over.

Myth: Your Dita Von Teese and should be treated as such.

Your not. Get over it.

Myth: Glamours backstage accommodations will always be provided to you.

Venues come in all different shapes and sizes. I have played a castle, I have played a squat. I have had my face cheek-down on one of the most disgusting bar floors in Vancouver, and shaken my ass at 10,000 people in Germany. And the backstages have all reflected differently. Sometimes, if you are a burly-Q girl, you will be required to change/get ready in the bathroom, while people are coming in and out. Be polite - these women will either scream for you or stand there with their arms crossed depending on how nice you were to them when you were sharing a counter in the ladies room a moment ago. Sometimes the backstages are huge and beautiful and you want to share the experience: with your girlfriend, your friends, your drug dealer, whatever. It's fun to be a rockstar and invite people backstage, but in 99% of the cases your there to work and so are other people. It's always good form to clear it with the other performers before you bring someone backstage, especially if your not the headliner (but even if you are, asking other people is a good way to make friends and show your not a pretentious a******).

Myth: That's YOUR booze in the backstage.

Share. Didn't your mom ever teach you sharing is good? So man band fights I have witnessed because someone drank something they weren't supposed to. Hey, I have, but someone pointed out nicely to me that MY fridge was elsewhere and that was the crew's booze. Apologies were made and it was all good. Even if it IS your booze, honest mistakes happen and you should tear a strip out of someone for it. Making friends with booze is always a good way to meet people, especially if you have, a gazillion beers and only one person in your band drinks beer. Share the wealth.

Okay, lecture is over for today. Now be nice at your shows or your Fairy Blogmother will hear about it and call you out.

Namaste.

Little Miss Risk