Having my picture taken

[Raven Foxx]

I've never been what I would call a great beauty. The most I've ever coined myself as is "cute." As such, I've always hated having my picture taken or people looking at pictures of me. I think it comes from growing up and seeing others get attention while I kinda sat in the background. But, I always made up for it by just hanging with the guys. I spent alot of time in the garage and have made solid friendships that have lasted my whole life.

Now, I've been working out and running. My husband is sick and the doctors don't know if he'll ever recover fully. I needed something to bring me out of the funk I've been in. Something to make me feel desirable and wanted. Not just a mom, housekeeper and nurse, but a real woman. What was I to do?

After feeling this way and not quite knowing what to do, I ended up going to a wedding. This girl had the most beautiful forward rolls in her hair. Her hair was black and hot pink. The style was so classy and unusual. It sang to me! I wanted to see more!

When I got home I started researching 1940's and 1950's style. It's something I've always had an interest in, but my tastes tend to run a bit darker so I never pursued it. I looked on youtube for instructions on how to do these hairstyles. Everyone seemed to have a different way of doing it. I found one gal whose teaching style was very easy to follow. So, I decided to try it on my own. It didn't turn out too bad my first time, and I got alot of complements. So, I thought..hm, maybe I'll try some different hairstyles. Every Sunday for a month I had done something new. Every week I was met with adoration and attention. This was something I wasn't used to. This type of attention was saved for the beautiful people. Not me.

I had lost 12 pounds through running and weight training. I even gained some muscle. I didn't look at myself as a fat cow anymore. I was feeling good about my body and the life change that I had embarked on. It was time to face a new fear, the camera. I held a Halloween bodoir party at my house last Saturday. My friend is a photographer and she was ready to branch out from portraits herself. So, she was happy to take some photos of my friends and I. I made everyone else go first. I was scared to death that the camera would show me that I I've been looking through rose colored glasses and I'm still that geeky kid wanting to be beautiful. She took a picture. I laughed like a maniac! How was "I" suppose to do sexy? Cute people don't so sexy. She took 25 more pictures...and then I started to relax a bit. She finally got some decent photos out of me and then I heard some White Zombie and my body started to move of it's own accord. It was like there was a puppetmaster pulling my strings. And she started snapping pictures of me dancing. This wasn't so bad. I was finally having fun and not worrying about how I looked. I was finally ready to change into my next costume. How many people do you know that are more comfortable in a leather bustier than a nurse's dress? Click, click, click went the camera.

When she was done, it was time to look at the results. No airbrush, no professional make up or hair. Just me and my fragile self image. The first ones made me cringe. Is that how big my nose is? Look at those cheeks? So poofy! What's with all the goofy smiles??? I was heartbroken...until she clicked on the other page. These weren't too bad. Then she clicked again. These actually are pretty good. The nurse costume was cute. I looked good and still cute. That's ok. That's what I am. Cute. Then we moved onto the other photos and I couldn't believe my eyes. These photos were definetely more than just "cute." There were alot more of them that I liked. Some of them, didn't even look like me. I was amazed! Was this really me? My photographer assured me that it was. I was blown away. Who knew that I could be beautiful?

I'm not so petrified to have my picture taken anymore. Given the right environment and motivation I firmly believe that there is a pin up model in all of us begging to be let out to show the world how beautiful we are. All we need is one chance to shine. To have fun with ourselves. I've decided there is nothing sexier that a person who is comfortable in their own skin and can look at the world though joy instead of despair.

Incidently, my photographer wants to take some more shots of me in different locations and poses. And you know what? I think I'm going to let her.

[Elizabeth ZAMH]

I've never been comfortable in front of a camera either...I prefer to take the pictures, but what an INSPIRATIONAL story! I'm looking forward too your next round with the photographer! Maybe I'll even give it a go!

[2d1jh4f6bcokc]

That's a cool story.... this era has such a positive vibe for all of us here too. Hope your hubbie gets better and keep up your modeling .... Your looking good doll !!!