Hell

[Mette Th13teen]

Yesterday, life turned into living hell.. Still carrying the feeling of not wanting to live life and rather settle for a zombie like excistence... The only part of my mood these days that makes me feel alive is when I cry or laugh. A part of my life has turned into a bunch of horrible feelings, it makes me feel degraded and unwanted to name a few. I wont go into specifics but I gotta end it and Im looking for a way out!

A friend of mine died, I got the message in a text yesterday at work that he had been found dead in his apartment, he had been lying there for 3 weeks :'-(! I cant imagine a worse way to die and cant stop thinking that if he knew how many people would miss him and how much, if that would have changed things and that he might still have been here. He was amazing, probably the nicest guy in the world and he had guts, serious guts! I cant stop crying thinking about it but I still manage to laugh when I think about the stuff, he did - he was impressive! R.I.P.

It just makes everything else pointless and unimportant. Having found myself in something of a personal hell and then the suicide of my friend. I dont have any pictures to share today, I dont wanna share updates on anything random, just wanted to put these two occurrences into words and see if it gave me some kind of relief. It didnt...