1st Photo Shoot and Discovering I'm Okay with Myself

[Poppy Fields]

I am not a model.
This body is not poised and graceful and perfectly arranged.
I am not photogenic.
This face is too expressive and honest and all-mouth-no-eyes.
But I jumped at the chance when asked if I would do a pinup shoot to help my photographer friend, Carlina, build the pinup side of her portfolio. I practically offered her my hypothetical (never-to-be) first born for the opportunity to see a pretty much life long desire realised.
After all, there's nothing a little makeup and lighting can't fix, right?

I arrived at her studio with 5 large bags full of clothes, a huge bag of shoes, a picnic basket filled with jewellery, flowers, gloves, stockings in every colour and enough makeup to paint an army of whores. 2 pairs of wings, a pitch-fork, a flash drive (and head) full of ideas and a pan of freshly baked brownies completed my assault. I think she was equal parts impressed and afraid!

Did I mention I'vetotallywantedtodothisforeverandeverandever??? Yeah, keeeeener.

Linkie reigned in my enthusiasm a bit and created some direction for the day with a set of shots she really wanted to recreate, mostly based on pieces by Gil Elvgren. We spoke about what we definitely wanted to get done and what we'd like to include if time permitted. I was able to do my own makeup and finally put my theatre education and massive collection of red lipstick to use, although I did need help with applying false lashes. With mascara and lashes on, it felt like I had tiny elephants perched on my eyelids. Very odd feeling. I guess you get used to it?

I was quite stiff to start; partly because I'm such an over-achiever and desperately wanted to perform as well as I could so that it wasn't a complete waste of time, but I also because, well, I'm just not used to being sexy. Or cute... cheeky... saucy... "ooh-la-la". All those things that pinups are. I'm the tall girl, the scary one, the goof, the one who grosses out the guys; I've been called "the Dark Lady" by children! So I don't know how not to laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of me trying to be sexy. It was incredibly hard for me not to just over pose, like I normally would. That way, when I look terrible in the photo, at least there's a good reason.

(Just realising now that this was probably a really good growth experience. All therapy should come with a set of pinup photos at the end ;)

But Carlina was so fantastic. She really put me at ease and was so enthusiastic and excited about what we were doing that I really started getting into it and leaving those insecurities in my other pants. She was really good about showing me previews as we went along and it helped immensely. To my utter amazement, she wasn't just being kind: the photos really did look that great! I was stunned. I looked - dare I say it - hot? Nooooooo. Me? Nooooooo, get out!

We spent about 4.5 hours shooting. Carlina asked several times if I was okay, if I needed a drink or something to eat, but I was PUMPED! I'm a modeling machine! Modeling machines do not stop for your puny human needs :D I completely exhausted her, but we got 600 shots and I'd say 200 of them are very good; even the "before" picture with my hair pulled back and overly excited grin looks better than ever would have expected! I am hyper-critical of myself (and I know I'm not alone) so I am fully impressed that a third of the shots are that good IMO. I am happy for me that it was so successful, and even happier that I was able to help a friend in such a big way.

Several friends have expressed disbelief that the pictures are of me. They aren't overly edited; colour adjustments for hot and cold have been made, but the contrast hasn't been jacked to +80 for myspace and my birthmarks and folds and crazy cheeks are all clearly displayed (no PS median blur 16, sfphotojournal ;) ). I have all the raw images and looking through them yesterday, I realised something:

I'm really comfortable with how I look. Sure, I wouldn't mind if my hair hadn't started greying at 20 or would just turn grey and be done with it (it's just messy all the time and dye doesn't take anymore), and I look at photos from 7 years ago and I look so young and... not careworn that I have a hard time even remembering who that person was! Overall though, I'm happy. I think I've finally reached that age and place where anyone who doesn't like what they see can just go suck it, including me. I'm covered it moles (thankfully not Witch-Grade), my parts flap around because my hatred for exercise outweighs my want for firm abs and triceps and I am never going to achieve even a subtle hint of a tan.
And I don't give a flying continental fuckaroon.

That is the beauty of pinup.

* * * * * * * * * *

Had a second shoot on Friday that was just as much - if not more - fun. I only had 3 small bags this time, plus shoes :) Worked mainly with Carlina's clothes and props to round out a collection of shots she wants to compile into book format. It's going to be a while before I get to see them and I'm already jonesing!

[Hell In A Handbag]

Awww, so cute! Golly girl, you crack me up.

[Clay Stephenson]

You know if you wanted we could probably just start a blog together. I think I have done more writing responding to your blog than actually writing in my own.

Give me a CALL this week! I need to pick your brain. And I would like to see your designs.

You can fill me in on that story. No baseball bats though; ok?

[Poppy Fields]

Neither do cute boys, for some reason or another (oh, the story behind that one. I sigh for myself.) Broken knee cap photos would definitely fall under "fetish" I think ;D

"And Cowgirls in Calgary....What???"
I know, shocking, right???

[Clay Stephenson]

That's ok I'm half Irish too, I totally understand. And I just find the Models don't respond so well to broken knee caps. Not my type of Photography.

And Cowgirls in Calgary....What???

[Poppy Fields]

I guess the Irish in me only knows one way to "convince" (hint: it involves kneecaps), but yes, you're right, I can only live my own life.

It's never too much. Just get ready for lots of cowgirl shots ;D

[Clay Stephenson]

You can't convince anyone to do it. They have to want to do it or not. (Trust me after a year of selling this, I know)

The ones that want to will and as long as you keep taking pictures (hint) they will have no choice but to do it. Besides with that fantastic Pin-Up Photography Studio opening up (too much?) a lot more girls are going to be open to Pin-Up Photos. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

You're a doll! Take more pictures!

[Poppy Fields]

Thank you. I'm doing my best to convince (read: gently bully) all my female friends into doing a shoot. So far, they are proving resistant, even after seeing what can be done. Maybe they'll do it secretly! Hope so, at least.

[Clay Stephenson]

You look incredible Poppy! I'm glad you had a great experience. You two did a great job!