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"We Are The New Vintage"
Viva Las Vegas Mini guide
My friend Liz wrote this a few years ago. I have modified and added to it since Viva will be at the Orleans this year. I had the pleasure of attending the first US Rockabilly Rave at the Orleans in October, so some of my tips will come from that.
I know it's still 4 months away, but you can never start planning too early!
Mission Statement:
For all of those who say that Vegas is lame due to the lack of a good line-up or that it's too much of a fashion show, you are doing it wrong. Vegas is not about bands or being the fanciest (well I'll get to that in a second). Vegas is about excessive drinking, whoring and causing trouble in the most sinful city in the US. Period.
Wardrobe:
Alright. Let me just get this out of the way. I will keep the rules as simple as possible as I do this every year and if you don't know by now, you deserve our mocking.
1. Just because it zips, don't mean it fits: Year after year, we scream this, yet it seems to fall on deaf ears. Just because you wiggled your fat ass into it, doesn't mean it looks good. And once again, if you have massive cellulite issues, PUT THE PLAYSUIT DOWN. I swear to IPU, I'm gonna start egging any f****** girl who doesn't belong in a playsuit who is strutting around the car show. And I'm tired of saying this and it seems retarded that I have to reiterate this but I have nothing against the larger girls, I AM ONE! However, you're not gonna see me in a playsuit or anything else that exposes my flaws to the world.
2. Just because it's vintage, doesn't mean it's cute. Leave the polyester paisley dress at the Goodwill please.
3. Repro: I like repro just because I'm sick of vintage clothes falling apart, but be forewarned that hundreds of other girls bought that stop staring dress and you better be damned sure you look better in it and don't mind wearing the same outfit. For custom made repro, click the Whirlingturban link that comes up on the top of this website.
4. Flames, cherries, etc.. Do I have to? really.. come now.. use your head
5. Shoes: I heart shoes. They are awesome. Vegas destroys your feet, both boys and girls. Make sure you have some sorta comfy shoes you can put on after the blood starts gathering around your toes. If however I see you in flip-flops and you are not on your way down to the pool, I reserve the right to step on your ugly feet.
6. Guys: For f***'s sake, look at all the women dressing up around you, do them a favor and put on something besides a wife beater and jeans.
7. Mr. & Mrs. I am wearing vintage down to my underwear and you are lame because you are not Bite me. Wear whatever the f*** you want. Just do it with a sense of style please. I don't give a rat's ass that you spent 500 dollars on your Hawaiian dress, if I wore something like that I'd either puke on it or it would get ripped by some European guy getting me naked, so enjoy being uncomfortable.
Vegas Ass:
*disclaimer* I do not encourage those who come to Vegas with or without their significant others to Vegas to cheat. People make their own drunken decisions. And remember, what happens in Vegas, gets posted on My Space.
-Finding that special someone:
so there are a few levels of Vegas ass... they vary depending on timing, day of the week, amount of drunkeness, how attractive you yourself are, luck, etc... so general guidelines (all rules subject to change):
Thursday: Use that as your general scouting night. Unless you are a veteran, chances are you might get stuck with someone for the whole weekend and you might find a higher quality Friday or Saturday.
Friday night: This is when the best quality ass will be found. Make yourself available. As we learned the hardway in 05, don't wolf pack. Travelling around with a group of extremely hot girls will get you noticed but not get you laid. Boys are p****** and are intimidated by large groups of women.
Carshow: Good place to scout and get free drinks. Be wary of the guys taking pics of every car tramp they see. There's something better.
Downstairs bars: The chances of you getting some are increased by hanging out at the bars downstairs. Better chance to talk and people are usually going back and forth. And plus, chances are that is where you will find my group. We like this area as it's close to liquor and in between stuff. We are also not shy and are good at getting people laid.
Room parties: Amazing scoring territory. It's much easier to pick a pony out of a room of 20 people then it is a room of hundreds. Don't know the people at the party? Carry a bottle of liquor with you, they'll invite you in, especially if you are a girl and have boobs. Boobs get you many things and can be exchanged for goods and services.
Sunday Night: Anything goes. Pretty easy to get some on Sunday as it's last ditch effort time. You'd be surprised at what you come up with sometimes though. I've had some amazing Sunday nights.
If you're taken: If you significant other is there, make sure you and your roomie have something worked out to avoid the embarrassing incident of them showing up to your room. Strangers, stick with strangers, our world is very very small and chances are you know everyone in some way but I'd try to target people who live on the opposite coast or a distant continent at least.
Stop talking: This is mainly for the dumb boys (although I'm sure it can be applied to a female or two).. Just shhh.. shhh.. tell me I'm pretty, buy me a drink. Really don't need or care enough to hear your philosphy on life. We can talk about that afterwards if you haven't been thrown out of the room yet.
Foreigners: Viva la Germans! and all others who don't speak English well. You are adorable and usually make for good casual encounters.
Other general rules:
-Security: For the most part on Friday and Saturday, security is gonna let you get away with a LOT. There are too many people for them to enforce much. Sunday be on the lookout. By then they are tired of our s*** and enough people have gone home, that they begin to enforce the rules. Still leniant but you gotta be careful and you're having sex in the bathroom, have someone guard the door unless you want to be escorted to your room by five security guards (that didn't happen to me, honest, I wish I could claim that honor. Security chapter I salute you and will do my best to live up to your name this year)
-Booze: I don't know if the Orleans will have the Boot. If they do, I suggest you buy one immediately since they have sold out by Saturday. Then buy your liquor in the downstairs liquor store located near TGIF or in a liquor store around Vegas. Much cheaper. Also, remember they give you free drinks when you're gambling. And worse comes to worse, look for Kelly. He'll be standing by some bar giving out shots to people who proclaim their love for him so remember the the words "I love Kel" Unfortunately, Kelly was not at Viva in 2008, so a lot of people had to buy their own shots.
-Double Down: Try and get out there at least once. It's my favorite bar in Vegas. They have tried to duplicate it here but it's not the same. Make sure you ride the pony and get a shot of Ass Juice.. not at the same time though..
Sunscreen: it's Vegas. You are pasty from living in the land of Winter. Use your judgement and don't forget your cleavage.
-Food: There is a little more variety at the Orleans than at the Gold Coast. Terrible Mikes is there (they closed the one at the Gold Coast a few years ago) and a TGIF. Also, the coffee shop food is a bit better at Orleans. Eat at odd hours so you don't have a long wait...I usually have breakfast at 2 pm and dinner at about midnight. Room service is faster at Orleans than the Gold Coast. Splurge on the buffet once or twice but bring a big purse and take stuff up to your room for later. Bloody Mary's count as meals and remember: food doesn't get you drunk (usually)
I am sure there is quite a bit I forgot, feel free to add to your own thoughts and bits of advice. I'll add on when I can..
I know it's still 4 months away, but you can never start planning too early!
Mission Statement:
For all of those who say that Vegas is lame due to the lack of a good line-up or that it's too much of a fashion show, you are doing it wrong. Vegas is not about bands or being the fanciest (well I'll get to that in a second). Vegas is about excessive drinking, whoring and causing trouble in the most sinful city in the US. Period.
Wardrobe:
Alright. Let me just get this out of the way. I will keep the rules as simple as possible as I do this every year and if you don't know by now, you deserve our mocking.
1. Just because it zips, don't mean it fits: Year after year, we scream this, yet it seems to fall on deaf ears. Just because you wiggled your fat ass into it, doesn't mean it looks good. And once again, if you have massive cellulite issues, PUT THE PLAYSUIT DOWN. I swear to IPU, I'm gonna start egging any f****** girl who doesn't belong in a playsuit who is strutting around the car show. And I'm tired of saying this and it seems retarded that I have to reiterate this but I have nothing against the larger girls, I AM ONE! However, you're not gonna see me in a playsuit or anything else that exposes my flaws to the world.
2. Just because it's vintage, doesn't mean it's cute. Leave the polyester paisley dress at the Goodwill please.
3. Repro: I like repro just because I'm sick of vintage clothes falling apart, but be forewarned that hundreds of other girls bought that stop staring dress and you better be damned sure you look better in it and don't mind wearing the same outfit. For custom made repro, click the Whirlingturban link that comes up on the top of this website.
4. Flames, cherries, etc.. Do I have to? really.. come now.. use your head
5. Shoes: I heart shoes. They are awesome. Vegas destroys your feet, both boys and girls. Make sure you have some sorta comfy shoes you can put on after the blood starts gathering around your toes. If however I see you in flip-flops and you are not on your way down to the pool, I reserve the right to step on your ugly feet.
6. Guys: For f***'s sake, look at all the women dressing up around you, do them a favor and put on something besides a wife beater and jeans.
7. Mr. & Mrs. I am wearing vintage down to my underwear and you are lame because you are not Bite me. Wear whatever the f*** you want. Just do it with a sense of style please. I don't give a rat's ass that you spent 500 dollars on your Hawaiian dress, if I wore something like that I'd either puke on it or it would get ripped by some European guy getting me naked, so enjoy being uncomfortable.
Vegas Ass:
*disclaimer* I do not encourage those who come to Vegas with or without their significant others to Vegas to cheat. People make their own drunken decisions. And remember, what happens in Vegas, gets posted on My Space.
-Finding that special someone:
so there are a few levels of Vegas ass... they vary depending on timing, day of the week, amount of drunkeness, how attractive you yourself are, luck, etc... so general guidelines (all rules subject to change):
Thursday: Use that as your general scouting night. Unless you are a veteran, chances are you might get stuck with someone for the whole weekend and you might find a higher quality Friday or Saturday.
Friday night: This is when the best quality ass will be found. Make yourself available. As we learned the hardway in 05, don't wolf pack. Travelling around with a group of extremely hot girls will get you noticed but not get you laid. Boys are p****** and are intimidated by large groups of women.
Carshow: Good place to scout and get free drinks. Be wary of the guys taking pics of every car tramp they see. There's something better.
Downstairs bars: The chances of you getting some are increased by hanging out at the bars downstairs. Better chance to talk and people are usually going back and forth. And plus, chances are that is where you will find my group. We like this area as it's close to liquor and in between stuff. We are also not shy and are good at getting people laid.
Room parties: Amazing scoring territory. It's much easier to pick a pony out of a room of 20 people then it is a room of hundreds. Don't know the people at the party? Carry a bottle of liquor with you, they'll invite you in, especially if you are a girl and have boobs. Boobs get you many things and can be exchanged for goods and services.
Sunday Night: Anything goes. Pretty easy to get some on Sunday as it's last ditch effort time. You'd be surprised at what you come up with sometimes though. I've had some amazing Sunday nights.
If you're taken: If you significant other is there, make sure you and your roomie have something worked out to avoid the embarrassing incident of them showing up to your room. Strangers, stick with strangers, our world is very very small and chances are you know everyone in some way but I'd try to target people who live on the opposite coast or a distant continent at least.
Stop talking: This is mainly for the dumb boys (although I'm sure it can be applied to a female or two).. Just shhh.. shhh.. tell me I'm pretty, buy me a drink. Really don't need or care enough to hear your philosphy on life. We can talk about that afterwards if you haven't been thrown out of the room yet.
Foreigners: Viva la Germans! and all others who don't speak English well. You are adorable and usually make for good casual encounters.
Other general rules:
-Security: For the most part on Friday and Saturday, security is gonna let you get away with a LOT. There are too many people for them to enforce much. Sunday be on the lookout. By then they are tired of our s*** and enough people have gone home, that they begin to enforce the rules. Still leniant but you gotta be careful and you're having sex in the bathroom, have someone guard the door unless you want to be escorted to your room by five security guards (that didn't happen to me, honest, I wish I could claim that honor. Security chapter I salute you and will do my best to live up to your name this year)
-Booze: I don't know if the Orleans will have the Boot. If they do, I suggest you buy one immediately since they have sold out by Saturday. Then buy your liquor in the downstairs liquor store located near TGIF or in a liquor store around Vegas. Much cheaper. Also, remember they give you free drinks when you're gambling. And worse comes to worse, look for Kelly. He'll be standing by some bar giving out shots to people who proclaim their love for him so remember the the words "I love Kel" Unfortunately, Kelly was not at Viva in 2008, so a lot of people had to buy their own shots.
-Double Down: Try and get out there at least once. It's my favorite bar in Vegas. They have tried to duplicate it here but it's not the same. Make sure you ride the pony and get a shot of Ass Juice.. not at the same time though..
Sunscreen: it's Vegas. You are pasty from living in the land of Winter. Use your judgement and don't forget your cleavage.
-Food: There is a little more variety at the Orleans than at the Gold Coast. Terrible Mikes is there (they closed the one at the Gold Coast a few years ago) and a TGIF. Also, the coffee shop food is a bit better at Orleans. Eat at odd hours so you don't have a long wait...I usually have breakfast at 2 pm and dinner at about midnight. Room service is faster at Orleans than the Gold Coast. Splurge on the buffet once or twice but bring a big purse and take stuff up to your room for later. Bloody Mary's count as meals and remember: food doesn't get you drunk (usually)
I am sure there is quite a bit I forgot, feel free to add to your own thoughts and bits of advice. I'll add on when I can..
Views: 43
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Frankie Fairlane{★} on
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HAHAHAHAHA!!..wow!, im about to fall out of my chair from laughing so hard!!!
Love the part about "getting posted on Myspace" !!! so true!! LOL!!
GREAT POST Kim!!! ;-) *2 thumbs up!!*
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VendorPermalink Reply by Kim Bombshell on -
Unfortunately, Kelly will not be there again this year. He has informed me "Viva has lost it's appeal to me since I stopped trying to put my d*** into random retro trollups" God Bless Kelly, and I will try to buy shots for people who proclaim their love for me in your stead!
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VendorPermalink Reply by Kim Bombshell on -
Excellent tips! I'm flying Virgin, so I don't think I luggage limits, I hope!
Uncle Fezter & Uncle Fezter's Flowers said:Okay Kats & Kittens... I'm already gettin' the annual questions on an almost daily basis, about packin' & preparin' fer Viva, so I'm just gonna pass this along...
Fer starters... You could probably count on a minimum of two outfits per day, especially depending on whatcher doin' at any given time, weather, activity levels, etc...
Basically, I pretty much take two showers a day during viva (sometimes three, cuz if I'm dancin' I'm a sweaty Teddy), so that's two changes of clothes a day at least.
Day wear and evening wear.
If yer gonna walk the strip or do touristy stuff
If yer gonna hang by the pool or go in da pool
If yer gonna walk the car show
If yer just gonna relax, hit the vendors, etc.
If yer gonna hit a good restaurant, etc.
Whatcher gonna do at night, on or off the dance floor.
NOW- here's some good tips to at least consider:
With airline limits on numbers of luggage pieces and weight... and what yer gonna pay for extra pieces or bein' overweight (the luggage)...
Ship stuff by mail, ahead of your arrival. This can include shoes, jewelry (odd shaped or heavy stuff), hats, bathroom s*** (curlers, blow dryers, etc).
Ship 'em to yourself, at the hotel, and include your reservation number.
Include in the box(es)- return address labels, a roll of tape, etc. (or you can pick one up while out there, too).
Cost-wise, it's cheaper than what the airlines charge, both ways. Convenience-wise, it's friggin' priceless.
Here's the best part: When you pack to go home, you can pack up whatever ya bought there, along with whatever else ya wanna ship back, and use your dirty clothes as your 'packing peanuts'.
What's REALLY nice about this is... You get to go home, unpack your luggage, and decompress a bit. Your dirty clothes will arrive 3 days later (if ya ship Priority).
This way, yer not overwhelmed by the usual post-vacation, immediate-gotta-do list and piles.
One other thing- I hit Trader Joe's and Target as soon as I arrive (but then again- I always come out early). I pick up some booze, snacks, cigars, soda, water, gum... Whatever... Along with a pack of cheapie hangars, and any other s*** that I can get that's either travel-size or easier to get there than have searched or carry with: toothpaste, shampoo, big cans of hair spray (for da ladies), band aids, etc, etc, etc... The extra hangers ALWAYS come in handy, considering the amount of clothes ya bring to the in-room hangar ratios. And if ya just buy the cheapies, you can either pack 'em & ship 'em back home, or leave 'em behind.
I keep tellin' folks... I am a idjit- But I do have my moments.
Yer ever-lovin' pal,
Unkie Fezter
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ModelPermalink Reply by Wink Holliday on -
Heh. Kim is flying Virgin. I'm gonna keep my mouth shut on that one. ;)
Kim Bombshell said:Excellent tips! I'm flying Virgin, so I don't think I luggage limits, I hope!
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ModelPermalink Reply by Wink Holliday on -
Here is a list of baggage fees for most of the major carriers. Of course, it can change at any time... be sure to check with your airline before you get unpleasantly surprised in April!
Kim Bombshell said:Excellent tips! I'm flying Virgin, so I don't think I luggage limits, I hope!
Uncle Fezter & Uncle Fezter's Flowers said:Okay Kats & NOW- here's some good tips to at least consider:
With airline limits on numbers of luggage pieces and weight... and what yer gonna pay for extra pieces or bein' overweight (the luggage)...
Ship stuff by mail, ahead of your arrival. This can include shoes, jewelry (odd shaped or heavy stuff), hats, bathroom s*** (curlers, blow dryers, etc).
Ship 'em to yourself, at the hotel, and include your reservation number.
Include in the box(es)- return address labels, a roll of tape, etc. (or you can pick one up while out there, too).
Cost-wise, it's cheaper than what the airlines charge, both ways. Convenience-wise, it's friggin' priceless.
Here's the best part: When you pack to go home, you can pack up whatever ya bought there, along with whatever else ya wanna ship back, and use your dirty clothes as your 'packing peanuts'.
What's REALLY nice about this is... You get to go home, unpack your luggage, and decompress a bit. Your dirty clothes will arrive 3 days later (if ya ship Priority).
This way, yer not overwhelmed by the usual post-vacation, immediate-gotta-do list and piles.
One other thing- I hit Trader Joe's and Target as soon as I arrive (but then again- I always come out early). I pick up some booze, snacks, cigars, soda, water, gum... Whatever... Along with a pack of cheapie hangars, and any other s*** that I can get that's either travel-size or easier to get there than have searched or carry with: toothpaste, shampoo, big cans of hair spray (for da ladies), band aids, etc, etc, etc... The extra hangers ALWAYS come in handy, considering the amount of clothes ya bring to the in-room hangar ratios. And if ya just buy the cheapies, you can either pack 'em & ship 'em back home, or leave 'em behind.
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VendorPermalink Reply by Kim Bombshell on -
doh! my blonde is showing again
Wink Holliday said:Heh. Kim is flying Virgin. I'm gonna keep my mouth shut on that one. ;)
Kim Bombshell said:Excellent tips! I'm flying Virgin, so I don't think I luggage limits, I hope!
-
VendorPermalink Reply by Kim Bombshell on -
Thanks! When I went to the Rave, I think my bag was exactly 50 pounds, but I had an air mattress in one of the suitcases. I will plan carefully...maybe only 2 pairs of heels since I always change into ballet flats anyway.
Wink Holliday said:Here is a list of baggage fees for most of the major carriers. Of course, it can change at any time... be sure to check with your airline before you get unpleasantly surprised in April!
Kim Bombshell said:Excellent tips! I'm flying Virgin, so I don't think I luggage limits, I hope!
Uncle Fezter & Uncle Fezter's Flowers said:Okay Kats & NOW- here's some good tips to at least consider:
With airline limits on numbers of luggage pieces and weight... and what yer gonna pay for extra pieces or bein' overweight (the luggage)...
Ship stuff by mail, ahead of your arrival. This can include shoes, jewelry (odd shaped or heavy stuff), hats, bathroom s*** (curlers, blow dryers, etc).
Ship 'em to yourself, at the hotel, and include your reservation number.
Include in the box(es)- return address labels, a roll of tape, etc. (or you can pick one up while out there, too).
Cost-wise, it's cheaper than what the airlines charge, both ways. Convenience-wise, it's friggin' priceless.
Here's the best part: When you pack to go home, you can pack up whatever ya bought there, along with whatever else ya wanna ship back, and use your dirty clothes as your 'packing peanuts'.
What's REALLY nice about this is... You get to go home, unpack your luggage, and decompress a bit. Your dirty clothes will arrive 3 days later (if ya ship Priority).
This way, yer not overwhelmed by the usual post-vacation, immediate-gotta-do list and piles.
One other thing- I hit Trader Joe's and Target as soon as I arrive (but then again- I always come out early). I pick up some booze, snacks, cigars, soda, water, gum... Whatever... Along with a pack of cheapie hangars, and any other s*** that I can get that's either travel-size or easier to get there than have searched or carry with: toothpaste, shampoo, big cans of hair spray (for da ladies), band aids, etc, etc, etc... The extra hangers ALWAYS come in handy, considering the amount of clothes ya bring to the in-room hangar ratios. And if ya just buy the cheapies, you can either pack 'em & ship 'em back home, or leave 'em behind.
-
Permalink Reply by Ruby-Rose Rex {★} on
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bahahahahahahaha! F-ing Hi-larious!!! I have been trying to figure out what this VLV thing was as I have been hearing veiled reference to it for like 2 years! I was starting to think it was a secret society or something.
KIM, I think that that was probably the best description anyone could expect. Honest - if nothing else I bet! However being naive as I am about the whole shindig, I would appreciate any more counsel you Viva-vets could offer a damsel in distress like me!
OH YEAH, and point #1 definitely applies to all aspects of life! You won't be seeing my thighs unless someone has done me the courtesy of airbrushing them!
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VendorPermalink Reply by Kim Bombshell on -
Bumping it up!
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