The Best of Craigslist

[Tessa LeTaunt {★}]

I spend about 80% of my internet lurking time going through ads on Craigslist. It's sad, really. I don't know how actively people post things on the Craigslists in other cities, but where I live, you can find just about anything on that site. Everything from gently used children's clothing and toys to an inexpensive hooker or kitten. You name it. For me, it's like virtual thrifting heaven without the shipping fees.
Every now and again, I come across an ad that makes me LOL. Sometimes, I'll even find one that makes me ROFLMFAO. Craigslist literally has a 'best of' section on their site, dedicated to sharing the humor in what some people choose to post on the internet.
I don't know if this thread will end up making it very far, but I was hoping others would share any humorous Craislist ads they may encounter.
My personal fave comes from Pheonix. May I introduce you to "1,325 Pope Hats"... Enjoy.


Because of this terrible economy, I'm having to shut down my business. I have OVER 1300 Pope hats (replicas) that I REALLY need to get rid of. The pope hats came from China and are a little too small for most adult heads and are also irritating to the skin, so you would need to have long hair or wear a smaller hat underneath (just like the REAL POPE). Dogs do not like to wear these pope hats, but maybe a large cat or maybe a nice dog would wear one. My dogs will not but they are not very nice and always hate being dressed up like for Halloween when we tried to dress them up like batman but they became very very agitated and bit a neighbors kid. I will lock the dogs up when you come get all of these pope hats.

My wife is a devout catholic and she finds the presence of all of these pope hats all over the house to be blasphemous. I have pope hats in every closet, pope hats under the sing, pope hats full of other pope hats. She will not stop talking to me about getting rid of the pope hats and has started lighting candles all over the house for my soul but these pope hats are extremely flammable so its a problem in my house (there are pope hats everywhere)

I payed 10x what I'm asking for when I bought these pope hats. I still think there is a market for them maybe when the economy turns around. Act NOW! Don't miss this great deal! I have 1,325 total (I counted this morning). 3 of them have some dog bites and one of them is burnt to a crisp, but you can take that one or leave it. Bring 2-3 strong friends.

[Haley Mae {★}]

I think you are my soul mate haha. I literally go on Craigslist just for entertainment purposes. I typically lurk the "Missed Connections". There was a classic a few months back that I still talk about. Trust me, I will find something that will make me die with laughter tonight, and be sure to post it

xoxo <3

[Haley Mae {★}]

OK...I don't know whats worse. The fact that this guy posted this on Craigslist....or the fact the I find it oddly attractive and want to be his mentor. Baha.

___________________________________________________________
Looking for a beard mentor:

I've had a moustache and beard off and on over the years, and I've tried styling it in the past but I just can't seem to get it to the next level. I'm looking for some srs protips with this, as well as possibly some styling services by someone with skilled hands. Please submit to me your beard/moustache resume. Also if you have pictures of you achievements that would be greatly appreciated.

I'm currently having trouble with getting my handlebar working correctly as well as keeping the sideburns even.

This is 'srs bsns' (serious business) as I've been informed I need to style it up, shave it off, or loose my job. (I work in adult daycare.)

[Rachel Spring]

I check out the same section, I think it's interesting. One time I saw an ad in "missed connections" that was from like a 50-something year old man and it was to a girl that worked where one of my good friends works, the guy said she teased him about his white castles.... I texted my friend immediately because it sounded like something she would do, and what do you know it was for her!

Haley Mae "Babydoll" said:

I think you are my soul mate haha. I literally go on Craigslist just for entertainment purposes. I typically lurk the "Missed Connections". There was a classic a few months back that I still talk about. Trust me, I will find something that will make me die with laughter tonight, and be sure to post it

xoxo <3

[Plum Pea Dahl {★}]

These are some pretty good doozies:
free toilet, needs tlc
Could be fixed up. A little dirty, and it leaked and overflowed last time it was used. My son stuffed a action figure down it, so if anyone picks this up and fixes it, can you drop the action figure back off at my house? My son would really appreciate it. Thanks

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Sex and Periods.
Ahhh, Sunday morning - my favorite time of the week. The house is quiet; the coffee is brewing; and I'm sitting in front of my computer anticipating another one of life's wonderful little pleasures: perusing Craigslist's Casual Encounters. There is nothing quite as satisfying (and, dare I say, stimulating?) as scrolling through the smorgasbord of sexual delights that is offered free-of-charge via Craig's Online Hook-Up Service.

But, lately, I've been having a problem with periods. Yeah, periods. Now, normally 'periods' and 'sex' are not something that most people want to talk about - at least NOT in the same sentence - but I think that the time has come for us to open up, and to admit that maybe there IS a place where periods and sex can coexist. Take the following post, for example:

"lookin 4 a guy who is hott ready to have fun and get me off not just sex but mentally as well be cute or dont aply be with in my age younger is ok and will consider a suga daddy!!! have fun good luck"

This sounds great...doesn't it? (I'm hott, cute, and would be a good suga daddy!) But what about her periods? Is she old enough to have periods? Is she missing her periods? Maybe she's too embarrassed to include periods in her posting. This has got to stop! There is no reason why women can't use periods in their postings when they are offering sex. It's natural; it's normal; people will understand; and, frankly, it just makes sense. Why should women be embarrassed about periods, or be afraid to use them in their postings? Sure, sometimes periods are a pain, sometimes they can be an inconvenience, and sometimes it's just easier to skip them, but there is no reason why sex and periods can't go together.

I enjoy my Sunday-morning trolling, but I'll take my sex with periods (and exclamation marks!)...anytime. Period.
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I stomped on your fire, you choked on a biscuit
You: passed out on the grass after choking on a biscuit and slamming your car into a guardrail at Franklin and Harding
Me: driver of silver bug with 2 women in the car who stopped and put your car fire out.

It's been a bad month, so if you would get me a new fire extinguisher, I would appreciate it. Also don't eat while driving in the future, it's dangerous, as you discovered.
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**Now that I've discovered best of craigslist, I think I'm addicted!**

[Tabby von Terror {★}]

omg.
i lurk on craigslist here in San Diego too! I found some legit things on there (It's actually how I got my first photo shoot and was connected to PL ) but there is a lot of weir stuff floating around on that site.
Here's one I found today :
(Now, i dont play WOW, but I am a gamer...but somehow, the extent of which people play-or will pay-for things in the game astounds me)

"S4 or T-6 End-game Level 70 Priest want to buy
S4 or T-6 End-game Level 70 Warlock want to buy

I am interested in buying a Level 70 Full S4 Brutal PvP Gladiator Account. Preferably UD Male/Female. 375 Enchanting is also a bonus and any other primary profession or secondary also. I am looking for an End-Game 70 All Epic account. Gear can be all S4 or can be end-game raid quality out of BT, Hyjal, Sunwell, i.e., Absolution T-6 gear.

I am also looking for an End-Game Warlock Level 70 in PvP Geared Full Brutal S4 (arena Season 4) or Full Malefic Raid Gear with equivalent weps and trinks. No Wrath! I am ONLY interested in a BC equipped account(s).

Price Negotiable. Thanks. "

This one was my favorite lately:

"Zombie hunting SWF seeking kick ass partner
Date: 2010-02-05, 11:52AM CST

"SWF seeks SWM who enjoys farming, zoo keeping and serious preparation for zombie invasion for friendship, LTR and possible marriage. Must be willing to wear a kilt and own his own broadsword.

Must be down to earth kind of guy, no prior convictions, not subject to any criminal investigations. I will look you up on the state access database so don't bother lying about it. Am D/D free, you be too

Must hold liberal political views, while still supporting gun ownership, hunting and private land rights.

No racists, homophobes, or fundamentalists. No Jehova Witnesses or Mormons.

Must love dogs and be approved by my dogs. Must be able to ride a horse and allow me to spend large amounts of time with my animals without complaint. Must take me fishing and buy me a pint now and then. You can go out with your buddies too, I am not the jealous sort. But, you better be home each night in case the zombie invasion begins.

I am a strong, intelligent country woman who can drive anything, haul 10 gallons of water to animals at a time, butcher a deer and run a trot line. Country folk will survive."

[El Muerto X]

Haley Mae "Babydoll" said:

I think you are my soul mate haha. I literally go on Craigslist just for entertainment purposes. I typically lurk the "Missed Connections". There was a classic a few months back that I still talk about. Trust me, I will find something that will make me die with laughter tonight, and be sure to post it

xoxo <3

I LOVE THE MISSED CONNECTIONS! its insane... and very creepy... dude is all like... "yeeeeah i saw you at burger king ordering a no.4 with onion rings and i fell in love but i could not muster the courage to say hello. i would love to meet you" its soo random! it makes me laugh every time i read through them

[Tessa LeTaunt {★}]

Haha, those are great. I skim through missed connections sometimes. They often tend to creep me out more than anything, though. I found one about myself once, and have decided I don't want to risk finding another, heh.
Rants and Raves are often comical too. Especially when it ends up being people ranting about other people's rants. It becomes an "RE:" subject frenzy sometimes.
One time, I found an ad in "for sale". The subject read "floor cleaning machine", so I opened it in curiosity. It was a vacuum.

[Inga]

Hilarious I love craigslist
here is one
To The Guy That Screamed - sad to say this is in OHIO
My sincerest apologies for being in your way on the Beechmont exit ramp from 275. You see, in these tough times, some of us try to conserve gas by letting gravity and momentum do its work. Not you, Mr. Anatomy Wizard. You? Well, you are obviously too busy of a man to do 45 mph on an exit ramp that usually ends in a red light.

Not this time though. Oh no, good fortune! We had a green! What luck for you to be able to show your sexual prowess by immediately gunning it from behind me. That move really showed me just how much of an idiot I am for having been on your road.

I managed to half-heartedly give you the finger as you passed, but again, you needed to prove your status as King o' the Road. You gave me the finger back! So clever. Such ingenuity....The best part, Mr. Anatomy Wizard, was when you hit your arm into the window, obviously unaware that flesh and bone does not go through glass. You fumbled your way with the switch, but finally succeeded in lowering it only to raise that finger high up in a douchebag victory symbol! What joy! What freedom! That is, until you noticed the impending red light.

With no one ahead of us, it was war. Normally, I'm fairly non-confrontational. However, after a crap work week and the doom of pms looming near, I felt the need to say something. Now, I could have lashed out in an incoherent series of profane and irrational words, but I thought, "eh, who does that anyway?" Apparently you do, Mr. Anatomy Wizard, apparently you do. I put down my window (without having to look at it by the way) and called over, "Really? You HAVE to tailgate down an exit ramp?" Not so horrid, I thought. To which you responded, "I wouldn't f*** it if it had three holes!"

What the s***?

My first question is "it"? Do you not know how pronouns work? Or were you yelling at someone behind me, maybe on the far side of the road? I'm confused....

My second question is to your sexual preference. Does your statement mean you're gay? As in, "I'll f*** anything with two holes, but three? Ewwww!" If indeed you are gay, the term "bear" does not mean you constantly drive around looking like you just woke up from hibernation. Invest in shampoo, loads of it. But I digress....

My third (and most important) question is this, how do I NOT have three "holes" (as you so delicately term them)? I get it. Anatomy is hard. Several hundred muscles, lots of bones, and terms that are longer than six letters. Sheesh, you practically need a doctorate for that crap to make sense. However, most guys tend to get the whole "h***" thing pretty quickly. Lord, even my ex knew how many "holes" girls had and I'm still convinced he never made it past sixth grade.

Let's break it down....If, like I believe, you meant "sexual holes" ( ie: places on my body in which to insert things) most people WOULD consider the vast majority of girls to have three holes (personal preference pending). Now, not delving into just exactly what kind of girl I happen to be, we'll leave all possibilities open and prove it anyway. So here's how it works: mouth (h*** one), vagina (h*** two), ass (h*** three). Holy h***! There ARE indeed three! On the off chance you meant just below my navel, I would like to point out that girls do not go pee pee out of their coo coo. Again, basic stuff, Mr. Anatomy Wizard.

Your response, now that I think about it, seemed canned. Like it's something you've said not only before, but over and over. It might even be your "go to" phrase - the one you scream any time someone steps on your foot, looks at you oddly, or breathes in your general direction. This means a few things: 1. You scream. A lot. Over small things. That also means you're a douchebag. 2. You're stupid. Seriously, anyone who thinks this is a burn is clinically stupid. 3. Your friends either hate you enough to not bother correcting you or they are just as stupid as you. That is assuming you HAVE friends of course.

So! Mr. Anatomy Wizard, again, my most heart wrenching apologies for your stupidity.

[Ellie Monster{★}]

I love Craigslist, my personal fav from our area was "Lookin for a Hoe"! People are priceless sometimes!

[Lainey Belle{★}]

Oh my gosh! I have to start spending more time on Craigslist! lol

[El Muerto X]

Ellie Monster said:

I love Craigslist, my personal fav from our area was "Lookin for a Hoe"! People are priceless sometimes!

AHAHAH!! yes... you can see some of the areas finest idiots there. the hooker adds are pretty funny Pr